Lucy is Still Lucifer

Sorry it's been a while since I've written. I've been busy, things on my mind.. the list goes on. Here's something...

Lucy is Still Lucifer

The hair on the back of my neck raises
Every time I have to look at you.
Think about you.
I don't think you understand- it's not a good thing.
My heart races just thinking about you now,
Thinking about how I'll never get you out of my head.
And I don't even love you.

There are few people I don't like in this world,
Fewer I would claim to hate.
But you. You. So much hate festers
You attention seeking whore.
Slut, harlot, she-devil, good for nothing, makes me sick to my stomach-
thinking about you with him.

You and your airbrushed hair,face, nails;
You and your fake, misleading,under-mature, overrated, under-dressed, ill-advised, selfish bovine.
You and your wretched, miserable, serpent-like personality and face.
He may not see it; never will.
I always will.

I am not blinded by the classic societal wench
I am not blinded by the cutesy attitude thrown along with naked bodies
As if they've not wronged.
As if the temptation of men and the cheating of their women's hearts was not done.
As it was.

But you- you can not be released from this life you've clung on to-
The life you turned away because of your own selfish desires and
once it was gone
you wanted it.  Typical I say.
Typical of you and those around before you who set the standard.
Your typical age, gender, hormonal drive, and need to captivate the most difficult of attentions.

I wish it were difficult for you.
I might then say he loved me more than he does you.

Malachi and Copernicus Rise Again

Monday mornin- "Dude I'm dropping my math class. Wanna go to Salt Lake for a concert?" Queer asks. "Yup." I say.

As always, we go on spur of the moment, Queer and I. No trip is ever really planned. If we talk about it and try to plan it, it won't happen like most things people talk about anymore.  We were supposed to leave that night, but I had night duty in my residence hall which I skipped anyway due to sleep deprivation. Woke at about 1:30am and saw if he was still awake. He was.  Messaged my boss to approve the future night absence. Approved.  Got that Asian out of bed to see if he was up for an adventure to his home town, and off we were at approximately 3:00.

We arrived at about noon, mostly alive save the panic attacks from Queers maniac driving. That mixed in with some ginger hype no one quite understands makes for a dangerous time.  Oh what fun I say!  We drove around a bit, looking at the mansions of the snooties built on the side of the mountains, looking at their view from the streets we drove. 

Lucky. Unnecessarily lucky.

Checked out the town a bit, located the venue, and visited the Asian's brother. We'll call him Blondie. (Just the streak in his hair folks... struck me as odd.) Watched his friend play Portal until we decided to hit up the movies.... I'm glad it was only a buck each.  Thirty Minutes or Less was NOT worth it, even if you are a huge Jesse Eisenberg fan.

After that, a bit more time to kill.  More mansions, streets, sun and wind... and hunger.  Damn Asian. You have to feed that thing hourly. Like a garbage disposal! Just... EVERYTHING in it's path. Beware. So we om nom nom'ed and went to the venue.  Lost driving around the same block three times some how, but we finally found it again.  "HE JUST HANDED THAT MAN COCAINE!"

Seriously! The guys, acting all big city suave, told me to hush hush about it, saying it's normal.
Look you two, none of us are from the small town- remember that.  But how desensitized are you when a man hands over a baggie of powder in broad daylight, and you find no amusement? Tisk tisk hehe. Seriously though. On the street. A busy street. Perhaps these small town po po should move to a bigger city where there's real trouble and stop giving me damn warnings for loitering. WHILE WALKING. Another story, another day.

Queer was stoked- had been waiting since he graduated to see them- The Sounds.  The lead singer, a lovely Swedish lady, is what catches his fancy. Ironic, I know.  Immediately after walking in, the piss hits us all- after coming out, queer states eagerly he'd just shaken hands with someone who might not have washed his hands and took a piss right before hand.  "I know he's on something. I made a friend."  I chuckled a little, looking over at Asian to see him nodding matter-of-factly.  The bass was booming in the whole place. I hate concerts like that only because it makes me jealous and think my awesome bass in my car is nothing comparable.  MMmmm. Bass. 

The first group was dank- Kids at the Bar.  Just a couple of DJs rockin it out, getting our ears ready.  Then The Limousines, a band I took a particular liking to and was so inclined as to buying a cd.  Then the moment Queer waited for so long.  The moment he'd shat himself about when he found out we were to go.  The Sounds stepped out all glorious in the fog machine.  Everyone jumped and screamed, and to me, for a moment, it was like there was no one else in the room.  Just me.  Just bass and loud music. He took a million pictures.  "I have to get closer." He said, looking at me with puppy concern.  "Get up there." I smiled, not wanting to leave Asian to get trampled, hating crowds enough as it was.  He just danced there excitedly, having little blonde renegades grind up on him. He didn't care, this was The Sounds. THE SOUNDS. From Sweden!

I yell to Asian "I'm taking him closer!" He nods, I grab Queers hand, and bolt my damndest towards the front. Elbows flying, everyone going off balance- packed in there tighter than a whore's tits on Black Friday.  No idea what that means. Just made it up. Go with it.  Anywho, I get nasty looks but like I care- I'll never see them again.  I have to get him closer. We did NOT drive all the way to Salt Lake for some shitty pictures!! We were three persons away from the stage, the singer flashing us in all her glory.  My shoving momentum had people off balance and forced to shove back and back and forth and back and forth until it got violent- oh shit guy. I started a mosh pit.  Crazy faux-hawkin ging coming from a bum-middle-of-no-where college started a mega mosh in the midst of all these 'hipsters' and 'scene' kids.  WIN.

After three or four songs we had to get out of there. I'm not even sure it was that many songs, time flew and slowed down and the motion of the mosh never stopped all the while. We needed hydration. The little Asian had come into the mob and was getting thrown left and right. Had we three not been linked so well, he might have vanished.  We agreed to make a break for it out of there, straight back.  It was odd, you'd think people would willingly let you through going OUT to let them further IN.  Ohhhh no, not these crazies.  One blonde idiot tried shoving me back in after I gave her among a many other the rugby shoulder.

Wrong move dinky.  BAM. Elbow to the face.  I don't think she fell completely, but back a bit into guys' arms with glares.  I b-lined it out of there. We all looked back at the stage.  The sound enveloping us like sprinkles in cool whip.  Like cheesecake in strawberry sauce.  Like Potatoes in mayo.  Damn I'm hungry... can't find a good one that fits...

Enveloped.

That was when I bought the cd and got to take pictures with the other two performing groups.  We had a deadline to meet in order to get back for work and school and things.  Cj didn't get to meet his lady,  but he was happy nonetheless.  We had a quick bite on our way out and stopped by once more at Blondie's then bounced.  Queer got us out of city limits, and I drove quite a ways, going no less than 90 wanting to get back as quick as possible to catch some ZZZs before work.  We ended up shaving two hours off of our time for the trip down there. 

So much awesome packed into a 24 hour period.  Conclusion? The longer you talk about it, the less likely you are to DO it.  Oh, and never give an Asian a snack. Always, ALWAYS full meals.  This way you save yourself a million snacks. <3

Follow-up on Your Roosters

This Monday (after the last Friday- the Epic Blowout) I saw the Ring Leader again.

He was in the lunch line right behind me.  I see his smug smile from the corner of my eye.  "How's the dick sucking going?" I ask, smiling ear to ear.  "Better now that you're here." He smiles back.  I just chuckle and walk away to sit with my friends.

A couple of days later I see him again in the lunch room.  I'm grabbing soup from the lunchroom to bring upstairs to where I work. He was in the line and as I walk by him, I give him a pat and squeeze on the shoulder, "What's up buddy?" And walk away to my soup.  Shortly he walks over to me and asks, "Am I really your buddy?" "Ha, yeah man." He walks away, "Sweet." 

So we're on speaking terms?  Decent acquaintances?  No idea, but it's so funny how life works with a smile.

Got a Big Schlong? Mine's Bigger.

WARNING: Explicit materials for those under appropriate age of harsh words or wrestlers.  Read with caution and brain cells.

Today was the day, my friends.  Well, remember the gaggle of ass-hats that wouldn't leave me be about my faux hawk?  This ging stepped up to the plate. She won.  

Everything was wonderful about today- save the fact I stilll can't find my wallet.  I woke up happy, showered, threw up the do into it's wonderful ginger wave, slapped on my favourite heels, had coffee- just an all around awesome day.  There was no way anyone or anything could ruin this day.  Not even a gaggle of pea-brained wrestlers. 

I was to have dinner with my queer and everything was ordinary- get some food, get some drank, let's scarf this and bounce.  As I was pouring myself some raspberry tea from the fountain, I heard it- the rooster call.  I look back and there they are, all sitting at the long table exchanging girly giggles and smirks as if I didn't know where it came from.  I look to Queer, "This is the day. One more time and no more."  I smiled. I felt confident. These boys didn't have any idea who they were fooling with.  I had waited for this moment a long time.  I walked confidently towards some fellow RAs that were already seated at a table.  "This time you have backup." Queer reassured me. 

"Ca-caww!" I smiled that Red Menace smile my mother had warned everyone about. Show time.

I whip around to face all of them and slam my food and things at the end of their table.  " Okay, which one of you is doing the damn rooster call?!" My voice, loud, but not yet booming.  "Uhh," one of the ass-hats started, "I think it was someone over there..." he trailed off, gesturing toward the soda machine.  Before he could finish I cut him off and was louder than before.  " No you asshole, I think it was you! all of you! Because you do it every time I wear my hair up and I'm sick of it!! You want a cock then you should go suck one!!"  The bastard closest to me (the Ring Leader, as I refer him as) had the audacity to look me in the eye and say, "Present it."

Wrong move.

" YOU WANT ME TO WHIP OUT MY COCK RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?!?"
A very soft "oooohh" from the cafeteria.  "Well, I'm out of here!" Said the Ring Leader.  Most of the gaggle left after that. You should have seen their faces.  I gracefully picked up my food, relocated it to the table I was headed, and sat down." The boys around the table I sat at now looked at me dumbfounded.  "Wow Thibby, what was that about?" Dugg asked me.  "I've been wanting to do that for a while now," I said with a smile as tears welled up in my eyes," and now you'll have to excuse me."  I escaped to a side room off the cafeteria to gather myself until the adrenaline cooled.  As I was about to come back to the dinner table, Queer greeted me at the doorway with a hug. "That was awesome, sweetie."  I walked back and sat down to the boys talking, "They totally deserved it." Said Half-ton ( A name given to him by our rugby team.)  "You wanna suck my cock?" We giggled and mocked together.  "Man, when a redhead is mad you know something's going down," said Half-ton. "Yeah, she'll whip out her cock!" said Dugg.  Not even five minutes later, our other friend... we'll call him Simba (because you all know by now I don't ever use real names)- came and sat down. " So I hear there's a story you need to tell me."  I look around the table and everyone is wide-eyed. Talk about a shot heard around the world! "Wow, that happened not even five minutes ago!" said Dugg.  I told him what happened and he smiled with a, "Good for you."  "Who'd you hear it from?" I asked.  "Everyone." Simba said.

Just a couple other friends came up saying that it was awesome, and one guy even said he'd dedicate his status to me.  Haha thanks Cowboy....

"You know big dicks like that don't like being put in their place. It might get worse." Queer warned.  "I know," I smiled, "and this time I'm more than ready for it."

Rugby is for Real Men

Red Baron.  This is the name given to me from the college rugby team I'm on.  I played my first game this past weekend and here's what I have to say about it.

In high school I always wanted to play football but never had the chance. "You're a girl." "You're not tough enough." "I won't allow it." Even when me and a few other brutal gals in the school tried to make a 'Powder Puff' football team, the principal said no because an incident three years prior- uniforms were not provided and the ladies wore baller shorts and one had them pulled off of her to reveal a thong underneath for all faculty and parents to see.

Those comments came from adults but the students in my gym classes had other things to say about me. "THIS IS NOT FOOTBALL!" Said a girl once while playing ultimate frizbee as I nailed her ass to the ground. Another time whilst playing soccer, I knocked the wind out of a gal just by bumping into her. And another accidentally got a boot to the head.... while he was standing. Did I mention he was 6'1 at the time?  Of course my favourite for last, playing capture the flag as a freshman with my youth group and running my youth pastor to the ground to capture the flag he possessed. He was not a small guy. I'm not a total ass by any means of the word, just stronger than what people would give me credit for with all of this aggression and nothing to take it out on.  I just wanted something- anything to show not all gals are defenseless. Not all gals are wimps and need protecting. I also needed something to teach me how to channel the force more specifically.

That brings me to my third year of college- a rugby team. Now, I wasn't stoked at first, seeing as how what I'd heard and witnessed of other teams, all they did was drink in their spare time and they were all a bunch of asshats that had no other friends but themselves because no one wanted to tolerate their hard-headedness.  Then I heard about who was going to be on the team and though, hey, maybe this will be different.... and it is.  I don't know how, but said college I attend has managed to ring in the sweetest most genuine rugby players I've ever met.  I watched their first game up in Montana- a defeat, but they learned a lot considering only a select few had even played before. As I watched I was more fascinated by the second, no time outs, no breaks every time someone hit the ground, pretty much a free for all with a little rules on tackling and such, but it was magic. 

A women's team? Oh yes. That was the first thing that came to mind. If there was that many in high school that had wanted to play footballs, who's to say there wouldn't be as many women here that would want to play a sport we all would be fairly new to?  I asked the captain how he got it started.  He said they weren't even technically a team, just a club.  The school didn't fund them yet, or arrange games for them to be at.   Why the hell not? I wondered.  When I returned to college, I talked to a coworker about a women's team. She was game, noting that she had played rugby a bit in Germany.  We immediately started recruiting.  I think the most we ever got to show was eight or nine... but as the week went on, there were a set four or five.  Not enough to make a team by any means but the few of us still practiced with the guys. 

Tuesday hit and practice was over, "So who is wanting to play for the game this weekend?"  I saw guys all over raising their hands, and Little Tank (her designated rugby name) and I looked around questioningly, wondering if we should raise our hands or if we were even included.  The Vice President looks back at me, "Red Baron, you coming?" "I'd like to go." I say in hopes. "Well alright then, go." A fellow player gives me a high five.  Little Tank raised her hand to go too. 

Friday at five, we met at the back of the field we normally met at.  Our faculty member (a lady friend of one of the players) had gotten a 12-seater from the college and a little funding for gas and a couple hotel rooms.  What a sweatheart. For the 20-somes of us, we split into the van and vehicles and were on our way. Got to our rooms, packed in there as we were, and woke the next morning to get to the field at seven forty five or so.  A bit early we learned... games didn't start until ten. We were misinformed. Nevertheless, started throwing, did warmups, just what we'd do in practice but nothing hardcore before a game. 

They even let me rock the faux hawk.  Amen.

The first game, I was a flagger... or whatever the hell they call it. All I know is that it meant I had to stay parallel with the ball and if it went out of bounds I'd signal which team got it.  That even meant going into enemy territory to be harassed by the jackasses calling my team fags and cheaters and harassing me about the assigned job I had to do.  "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop talking shit on my team, I'm standing right here." A little snickering, but they backed off.  We lost. But not as badly as the first weekend, so we weren't as down as you'd expect.

Then as another game was happening and we were waiting for our second game, the ref from our game took us aside and gave us some pointers.  We watched the rest of the game, then started getting ready for the final game.  "Whoever did not play last game is starting for this one." Ohhhhh lawrd.  I looked at Little Tank and shook my head.  This was it. Ohh boy. I tried not to get nervous. I'm Thibs, I'm unshakable.  I told myself.  Those that know me know that I tell myself this when I'm nervous.  Snakebites out, ring off, socks on, breathe.  "You feel comfortable being the hooker?" says the President.  "As long as I know what it is." They explain I'm to hook the ball with my feet whilst the team clusterfucks with me for a battle royale. (My interpretation hehe) "Okay." We practice the formation a bit.  It was showtime.  I listened to orders and followed that damn ball wherever it went. Lots of running. Tackling. Even got shouldered to the boob by what appeared to be an Asian/ Filipino mix. It was epic. 

We lost that game too, and if I remember correctly by a smaller dent that the previous game. I wasn't too depressed about it at all. I played damn RUGBY!  The team was super supportive of each other, giving the 'good game' hand slaps and 'you did a good job' gestures.  We had a shit ton of pizza afterwards and cake from one of the guy's anniversaries. His gal was there to bandage the players up.  Adorable. 

This has been quite the post, one of my longest but if you read all the way through thanks. It's been a while but I'll try to stay on it. This is a shout out to my fellow team members for making this sport what I wanted it to be.  Just an odd cluster of people getting together to represent something though that something might be different for everyone.

Morning Person?

I'm never offended to be awaken early, let alone at all. But there are particular moods in which I am terribly tired and if you wake me I can react in one of two ways- so violent you better watch out, (my queer learned this one the hard way) or you will get the most random sayings possible ( in which my asian learned this the humorous way)

I love telling my stories to a crowd and at said college, there is an Open Mic Night that used to happen every Monday or Tuesday night... or something like that.... anywho, at the hall I was in last year, my Queer lived right down the hall and I knew all the ladies in my wing so I had no problem leaving my door unlocked. I passed out hard core one afternoon, skipping dinner and all. Didn't even have time to take off my spike stilettos. Queer comes in to wake me for dinner and I was quite snappy, none of which I remember. He again came some time later trying to wake me for Open Mic Night, knowing how fun it was for me.
A bit later I wake and I see that I am late for Open Mic. I haul ass to the student building it was to take place in. After I get up and tell whatever story was on the mind that night, I go to sit by Queer. He did not look pleased. "Why didn't you wake me for this?" I asked. 
He looked at me like I'd just shat my pants and tried to smear it on the wall. "I DID!"
I looked at him confused. He proceeded to tell me that when he entered my room, first he shook me and I mumbled. Then a little more aggressively and I began shouting profanities at him about how tired I was and how much I was going to stab him with my heel and how much of an ass he was for waking me. The last thing he did was take a picture of my limp body on the bed and splash me with water.

Another time I was awaken by the Asian. You must understand, the semester it happened was a semester of little to no sleep, seeing as how I had schooling all day, theatre by evening, and worked graveyards 10pm-7am.  I usually crashed at his place because he lived in the town I worked and I did not. He tried waking me one afternoon for a class or something of the sort. He tells it that he gently shook me and I rolled over, not opening my eyes, only to whisper, "Asians everywhere....." and rolled over and went back to sleep.
He decided it was cute enough to let me sleep.  I'm guessing it was due to the fact we'd done nothing but watch Japanese movies for days.... other than that, I've no explanation for the comment save the dreams that come with the movies.

Of course, the most recent tale that brings me to why I even wrote about my odd sleeping habits- Again, the Asian and I had passed out.  I guess I was the one that woke this time and tried to wake him up. It's still funny to me because I remember only blips. He says I kissed him and said,
"I love you, even if you hate the fries."
"What?"
"Oh shit! Why am I thinking about work?"
After that last statement, he says I burst out laughing, in the fashion that I do, and laughed myself to sleep only to wake up less than a couple hours later.

Anyone else have odd sleepings and/or wakenings?  Tell me in the comment section!

Take a Lesson

You know what I have genuinely never understood? Those who aren't accepting. Those who genuinely think that because someone that doesn't dress like them, look like them, are interested in the same things are them, and think like them are just other worthless individuals. Those of you reading are probably more open and I'm preaching to a choir. Those who aren't reading probably read the first line, scoffed, and went on with their lives. Here's just a day in what I get havoc for ....

I'm currently an R.A. for a said college in Wyoming. I don't mind sticking up for others and putting others in their place, but this past week when shit is tossed to me, so to speak, I have felt I couldn't use my techniques to make the asses look like idiots because I'm supposed to be some sort of 'better example' to other students.
 I recently have whacked my hair from past shoulder length to a faux hawk.  The longest part just a little past my ears.  Of course the lesbian jokes started and I've always gotten those so I laughed along.

The particular incidences comes from a group of individuals who tend to dress.. oh, for easy visualization's sake, we'll say hickish but without the cowboy hats and their fathers' dirty baseball caps instead. Get the picture? Okay-

Ever since my hawk's first appearance, almost every day in the cafeteria I'd hear it- the rooster call. At first I brushed it off. Not my style of doing things, but as an 'example' or whatever I tried to not let it bother me.  Then again. And again. I started glaring back, hoping they would back down.  Today there were fire drills in all five resident halls of our campus. I found out where the particular group of boys lived.  As I passed they proceeded to rooster call. I glare back. "Ever heard of a flock of seagulls?!" Wow. How original asshat. I felt I couldn't do anything. All of their fellow peers there and all I was dreaming of was how much I wish I wasn't a faculty member at that particular time. It would be so worth it. I turned my back on it. After all halls were cleared, I walked back to my room. At first it was just deep breaths- by the time I hit my door it started- liquid anger. Tears streaming. I couldn't help it. Never in my life had I not stuck up for myself or said anything and I felt like a complete failure.

I called up my boss and demanded we talk immediately. I went to his apartment building and explained to him my predicament. He looked at me and shook his head. "Yes you can." I lit up, curious for further. "As long as there is no violence involved you sure can. You are expected to stand up for yourself."  I was relieved.  My boss had just given me the OKAY to open up a can of whoop-ass with words on some sheltered male trollops who deserve it. They have no idea what's in for them.

I won't approach for no reason. I'll wait. For it to happen again. Because I know it will. I hope it's in the cafeteria. I hope their peers are around. I hope they feel ashamed. I hope they dare try it again or on someone else. I will be there. I will end this. This is not a revenge statement. This is a promise. I promise to be true to myself and allow others to have their own growth as well. No exceptions.  Join me if you will- you see this happening? Say something, if not directly then to someone who isn't afraid. You are doing this? I hope you read this and take it to heart and stop your madness. It even gets to the best of us eventually.

Best wishes to everyone.