Friday, March 7, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Take a Stand for Women
I live in a shit part of town, I won't lie. When I first moved to that little apartment, it was because it was the cheapest in town and within a 30 minute walk to my work if I needed. Old management used to put in airmen and navy guys living around me, knowing I was the only female living in that section. When new management took over, they really didn't think who was living where, they kinda just accepted anyone who had money and put them wherever space was available.
Over the past year I've grown to hate where I live. Bum neighbours asking for rides, can openers, nonsensical conversations about things that keep me from getting to work on time.. just idiocy in the multitudes. What bothers me most is I can't tell you how much more often I've seen the police in my little roundabout.
The night after Christmas, Porter and I were chillin out max and building a puzzle when approximately 10:30pm I get a knock at my door. I open the door and it's my neighbour lady, sobbing, covered in blood. Without hesitation, I pull her in and lock the door and the latch.
"Can I use your phone?" She musters out through thick mucus and snot.
I bring her to my kitchen sink, asking her what happened, and as I get a better look at her in the light, I can tell it was nothing pretty.
Her nose is without a doubt, busted. Blood had been rushing from it for quite some time. I see a big fist-sized pool of blood on her shirt where her nose and mouth had been draining to. I lift her freezing hands to the hot water which are also caked in blood. I grab some towels to wipe her blood stained purse off. Her hair is matted.
I ask again, "Sweetheart, what happened?"
"I walked here," She started, her hands trembling under the water.
"We were at his sister's house, we'd gotten into an argument," and from the smell of alcohol on her breath, I could tell it was an angry drunk one.
"He beat the shit outta me so I walked home. I been sittin out there for about an hour and he still hasn't come to let me in yet."
"You don't have a key?" I inquire.
"I haven't had a key at the last three places we've lived at." She looks over to notice Porter sitting on the couch and starts sobbing.
"Do you want me to call the police?"
"No, could I just borrow your phone? I just want him to let me in."
I look at Porter concerned, he has a blank expression giving no persuasion either way. I hand her the phone once she dries her hands.
She dials a few times, drunk dials I guess, and finally a right number.
"Can you come let me in?" She says firmly.
I hear him on the receiving end but nothing audible.
"I just want to get into the apartment." She hangs up on him.
"May I use your bathroom please?"
"Of course" And signal her the way.
I get a call shortly after. It's the same number she has dialed. It's him.
For those of you well acquainted with me, I have a very low tolerance for this kind of shit. The women that are nearest to me, by heart and within arms reach, I hold under my wing if I can because more often than not I'm the strongest thing between them and the man. Sometimes stronger than the man.
I answer the phone sternly. "Hello."
"Where's Angel? Who is this?"
"This is my damn phone, you called me."
"Well let me speak to her."
"No, you have two choices jackass, let her into the damn apartment or I'm calling the police."
"Fine you can call the fuckin police."
Alright.
I look to Porter. "You think so?"
"Yeah I think you should."
911, what is your emergency?
"Yes, I'd like to report domestic violence. My neighbour just came to my door covered in blood.
She asked for my name, I gave it. My address, I gave it.
Do you know where the male is now?
"No, this didn't happen at my place. It happened a few blocks away."
Is the woman still there with you?
"Yes ma'am, would you like to speak to her?"
I put Angel on the phone.
She tells them what she told me. Two minutes later, police show up. We live about a two minute drive from the station.
One of the cops gets all her information, then his age, race, and vehicle.
"He's not in his car, he drove off with friends. I'm not sure of the vehicle."
He looks to me and gets my information, "Want me to stay with you?" I ask her after I'm finished.
"Please do." She says.
"Has this ever happened before ma'am?" The cop asks, the second cop taking photographic evidence and calls in an ambulance on his walkie.
"No," She said as she looked down. I looked at her with a crazy face. I knew it wasn't true.
"We've been together eleven years. He's just drunk is all. I just want to get into my apartment so I can grab some things."
The cop looks to me. I just softly shake my head, a face of concern.
"Do you have any idea where he might have been headed ma'am?"
"No. I just know he's not at his sister's anymore."
He asked for her address and Angel complied.
By that time the paramedics came and checked out her nose. She refused to go to the hospital, "Can't nobody pay for that shit." She said.
"It really does need to be set, miss. You don't have to come in the ambulance with us but we highly recommend you get it checked out soon."
She nods her head.
The cop gives her some pamphlets about domestic abuse and woman care facilities.
"If we can catch him within the next 24 hours, he'll go to jail and if not, all charges are dropped and there's really not a lot we can do from there unless you call us again. If you see or hear from him again tonight ladies, please feel free to give us a call."
I could tell the sincerity in this man's voice. To him, this wasn't just another call. I could tell he was as bothered by this as I was.
"But sir, how will I get back into my apartment? I really just want to get in." Angel added.
"Oh well your maintenance staff will have to take care of that." He shrugged apathetically.
"I have the number," I remembered it saved in my phone.
The police leave and the guy comes to let her in. All is quiet for about thirty minutes.
I hear Angel screaming from next door, "They're comin for you! The police are comin, so you better get away from here!" Then a knock at the door.
I know it's not Angel.
I look at Porter, then get up and grab my bat I keep behind the door.
Adrenaline took over and I swug the door open, bat ready.
He was already running to his friend's car before I even stepped out the door.
He gave me one last glance as I put the phone to my ear.
911 what is your emergency?
Hi I just called about the domestic violence? He was here.
I described the vehicle.
Okay we're sending someone that way.
"You really don't have to, he should be around your area by now. Send out the description."
I knocked on Angels door.
"They're comin for you! Leave me alone!"
"Angel! Angel it's me!"
She opens the door, "He was here! I locked his ass out!"
"I know I know, good deal, I called the police again."
Moments later the police showed up.
The cop walked toward us, "I told the receiver it really wasn't necessary."
"I know, but the train caught us," he explained, a discontent face appeared.
"We got the call but the train came through."
I understood. The copper station might be really close but the tracks are what divide us.
"Just call us if you see him again. We'll be on the lookout for his vehicle." He left.
"Girl leave his ass. You don't deserve this. I'll beat his ass with my bat given I see him again."
"I know girl. But I have to. I have no where to go. I can't have my kids here with me because of him. I don't have custody."
I refer back to the pamphlets, "Yes you do. anywhere is better than here. Do it for your kids."
About an hour after he left I got a call from him.
"Oh so you wanna call the cops on me bitch? Huh? You wanna start some shit bitch? Oh we gon' see. Yeah we gon' see. Stupid bitch." And hangs up.
I casually go back to my puzzle making.
"And?" Porter asked.
"It was him. Just threatening and stuff. But I feel safe with you here, I ain't worried," and flash him a smirk.
"I dare his ass to call here again. I dare him."
To wrap this up, no, they didn't catch him that night. It was the next day that his ass finally came back and starting packing things into the car. I haven't seen her since then. I do know that every time Porter comes around, no matter what the jackass is doing, he runs so fast into that apartment it's funny. Seriously, you threaten a white girl associated with a 6'5'' beast of a black man? Hell no. You're not winning anything.
Bottom line. If you know anyone who is in this situation, help. If they've been in the situation forever like Angel has, maybe all they need is that extra push. Stop feeling bad for them and start telling them what they need to hear. That it isn't worth it. Not all 'Angels' in the world (so to speak) have a rock hard ginger neighbour to run to for refuge. Not all Angels in the world have a man that will be a man instead of a puss that beats on her just because he can. Report these situations, people. Make it known.
Over the past year I've grown to hate where I live. Bum neighbours asking for rides, can openers, nonsensical conversations about things that keep me from getting to work on time.. just idiocy in the multitudes. What bothers me most is I can't tell you how much more often I've seen the police in my little roundabout.
The night after Christmas, Porter and I were chillin out max and building a puzzle when approximately 10:30pm I get a knock at my door. I open the door and it's my neighbour lady, sobbing, covered in blood. Without hesitation, I pull her in and lock the door and the latch.
"Can I use your phone?" She musters out through thick mucus and snot.
I bring her to my kitchen sink, asking her what happened, and as I get a better look at her in the light, I can tell it was nothing pretty.
Her nose is without a doubt, busted. Blood had been rushing from it for quite some time. I see a big fist-sized pool of blood on her shirt where her nose and mouth had been draining to. I lift her freezing hands to the hot water which are also caked in blood. I grab some towels to wipe her blood stained purse off. Her hair is matted.
I ask again, "Sweetheart, what happened?"
"I walked here," She started, her hands trembling under the water.
"We were at his sister's house, we'd gotten into an argument," and from the smell of alcohol on her breath, I could tell it was an angry drunk one.
"He beat the shit outta me so I walked home. I been sittin out there for about an hour and he still hasn't come to let me in yet."
"You don't have a key?" I inquire.
"I haven't had a key at the last three places we've lived at." She looks over to notice Porter sitting on the couch and starts sobbing.
"Do you want me to call the police?"
"No, could I just borrow your phone? I just want him to let me in."
I look at Porter concerned, he has a blank expression giving no persuasion either way. I hand her the phone once she dries her hands.
She dials a few times, drunk dials I guess, and finally a right number.
"Can you come let me in?" She says firmly.
I hear him on the receiving end but nothing audible.
"I just want to get into the apartment." She hangs up on him.
"May I use your bathroom please?"
"Of course" And signal her the way.
I get a call shortly after. It's the same number she has dialed. It's him.
For those of you well acquainted with me, I have a very low tolerance for this kind of shit. The women that are nearest to me, by heart and within arms reach, I hold under my wing if I can because more often than not I'm the strongest thing between them and the man. Sometimes stronger than the man.
I answer the phone sternly. "Hello."
"Where's Angel? Who is this?"
"This is my damn phone, you called me."
"Well let me speak to her."
"No, you have two choices jackass, let her into the damn apartment or I'm calling the police."
"Fine you can call the fuckin police."
Alright.
I look to Porter. "You think so?"
"Yeah I think you should."
911, what is your emergency?
"Yes, I'd like to report domestic violence. My neighbour just came to my door covered in blood.
She asked for my name, I gave it. My address, I gave it.
Do you know where the male is now?
"No, this didn't happen at my place. It happened a few blocks away."
Is the woman still there with you?
"Yes ma'am, would you like to speak to her?"
I put Angel on the phone.
She tells them what she told me. Two minutes later, police show up. We live about a two minute drive from the station.
One of the cops gets all her information, then his age, race, and vehicle.
"He's not in his car, he drove off with friends. I'm not sure of the vehicle."
He looks to me and gets my information, "Want me to stay with you?" I ask her after I'm finished.
"Please do." She says.
"Has this ever happened before ma'am?" The cop asks, the second cop taking photographic evidence and calls in an ambulance on his walkie.
"No," She said as she looked down. I looked at her with a crazy face. I knew it wasn't true.
"We've been together eleven years. He's just drunk is all. I just want to get into my apartment so I can grab some things."
The cop looks to me. I just softly shake my head, a face of concern.
"Do you have any idea where he might have been headed ma'am?"
"No. I just know he's not at his sister's anymore."
He asked for her address and Angel complied.
By that time the paramedics came and checked out her nose. She refused to go to the hospital, "Can't nobody pay for that shit." She said.
"It really does need to be set, miss. You don't have to come in the ambulance with us but we highly recommend you get it checked out soon."
She nods her head.
The cop gives her some pamphlets about domestic abuse and woman care facilities.
"If we can catch him within the next 24 hours, he'll go to jail and if not, all charges are dropped and there's really not a lot we can do from there unless you call us again. If you see or hear from him again tonight ladies, please feel free to give us a call."
I could tell the sincerity in this man's voice. To him, this wasn't just another call. I could tell he was as bothered by this as I was.
"But sir, how will I get back into my apartment? I really just want to get in." Angel added.
"Oh well your maintenance staff will have to take care of that." He shrugged apathetically.
"I have the number," I remembered it saved in my phone.
The police leave and the guy comes to let her in. All is quiet for about thirty minutes.
I hear Angel screaming from next door, "They're comin for you! The police are comin, so you better get away from here!" Then a knock at the door.
I know it's not Angel.
I look at Porter, then get up and grab my bat I keep behind the door.
Adrenaline took over and I swug the door open, bat ready.
He was already running to his friend's car before I even stepped out the door.
He gave me one last glance as I put the phone to my ear.
911 what is your emergency?
Hi I just called about the domestic violence? He was here.
I described the vehicle.
Okay we're sending someone that way.
"You really don't have to, he should be around your area by now. Send out the description."
I knocked on Angels door.
"They're comin for you! Leave me alone!"
"Angel! Angel it's me!"
She opens the door, "He was here! I locked his ass out!"
"I know I know, good deal, I called the police again."
Moments later the police showed up.
The cop walked toward us, "I told the receiver it really wasn't necessary."
"I know, but the train caught us," he explained, a discontent face appeared.
"We got the call but the train came through."
I understood. The copper station might be really close but the tracks are what divide us.
"Just call us if you see him again. We'll be on the lookout for his vehicle." He left.
"Girl leave his ass. You don't deserve this. I'll beat his ass with my bat given I see him again."
"I know girl. But I have to. I have no where to go. I can't have my kids here with me because of him. I don't have custody."
I refer back to the pamphlets, "Yes you do. anywhere is better than here. Do it for your kids."
About an hour after he left I got a call from him.
"Oh so you wanna call the cops on me bitch? Huh? You wanna start some shit bitch? Oh we gon' see. Yeah we gon' see. Stupid bitch." And hangs up.
I casually go back to my puzzle making.
"And?" Porter asked.
"It was him. Just threatening and stuff. But I feel safe with you here, I ain't worried," and flash him a smirk.
"I dare his ass to call here again. I dare him."
To wrap this up, no, they didn't catch him that night. It was the next day that his ass finally came back and starting packing things into the car. I haven't seen her since then. I do know that every time Porter comes around, no matter what the jackass is doing, he runs so fast into that apartment it's funny. Seriously, you threaten a white girl associated with a 6'5'' beast of a black man? Hell no. You're not winning anything.
Bottom line. If you know anyone who is in this situation, help. If they've been in the situation forever like Angel has, maybe all they need is that extra push. Stop feeling bad for them and start telling them what they need to hear. That it isn't worth it. Not all 'Angels' in the world (so to speak) have a rock hard ginger neighbour to run to for refuge. Not all Angels in the world have a man that will be a man instead of a puss that beats on her just because he can. Report these situations, people. Make it known.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Token end of The Year Post
Alright y'all, the end is here. I believe this will be my last post of the year. I wasn't sure exactly what it should be about. I hate New Year's resolutions so I don't think I'll be listing any of those. I do, however, believe I'll be giving y'all an overview of my year. Accomplishments, random highs, and yeah, even embarrassing moments and failures.
I had one hell of a year for 2013. My first complete year to live in Mississippi since I'd moved away when I was younger. Every birthday, holiday, adventure, shenanigans all in Mississippi. Well. Mostly in Mississippi.
January I started the year out right with my birthday, having a gingerman over from New York. I got woo'ed by him and also beat out him and his friend from hitting on a waitress and getting her number. Score for the ginger lady. I also got a ginger cat named Bacon Shamus who drove me up a fuckin wall and after only a couple months of having him, gave him away to someone who could give him the attention he needed.
Lots of gingery in the month of January.
February also started out great with bartending school where I (didn't know at the time) met the gal who would become my best friend and my rock, Kandy. I also managed to get pulled over for intoxication of a vehicle I wasn't even driving and, the best part, in which no one was even drinking in. That's right. Dick cop saw a bunch of youngsters having fun and didn't think it was possible without the liquid courage. Womp womp. Also finally got to participate in Mardi Gras and caught seven spears!
March was just smooth sailing. Making friends in school and learning who to avoid. It was the start of real friendships that would last and some that would later get me into trouble at the clubs.
April I finally found someone who would show me the ropes going to the clubs throughout the Gulf Coast. How to mingle for an easy drink and dip out before committing to a lame one night stand. Free drinks and shots began a new lifestyle for this northerner.
May is when I get my big news- no longer a housekeeper but a barback. Then I got a second job as a bartender as well for a little while.. found out that one was a huge bust... I find out barbacking is everything I was looking for in a job. Hustling for tips, add on a swag and a charm, along with hard work and keeping the bar under control. I meet some awesome people my age that I can hang with. I also scored a gig of (supposedly) seven hundred Indian guests. Dot, not feather.
June I take a trip to the past and fly up to Montana for a deliciously German wedding! Visit with old friends, tell them of all my new adventures, and invite them to come with me to create more. By the end of the month, I buy my baby... my '73 Volkswagen Beetle. I also meet some interesting people in the club and my dancing days come crashing in Biloxi when I find my friend isn't a friend at all. My girl Kandy comes to the rescue and shows me what's up in Gulfport.
July is when I finally get to see New Orleans in my adult life. A full year of living an hour away and I'd yet to find someone to adventure it with me. This time I had five others- coworkers from my fantastic job. Then 7/20 rolls around. For those of you who know my superstition, you know it was a big deal me losing my dream job on that day. A week before my probation period ended. My world gets shifted out of motion.
In August, one of the shifty characters I'd met in the club introduced me to someone I wouldn't ordinarily talk to. Some Brit he worked with. One word was said about Volkswagen and BOOM the nonstop talk of the cars began. I'd finally found someone I could relate to and count on. He taught me about the cars and in return I made banana bread and paintings. Oh, and finding another job as a barback was easy enough. Only unemployed for a couple weeks max.
September I was getting into my new swing of things working as the new graveyard barback and spending a lot of time with my new acquaintance. Still in high hopes of hitting something big but the part time barback job was enough to keep my bills paid so I wasn't worrying. Kandy and I meet two more gentlemen at the club. Later to form what we call "The Group" and our own little makeshift family.
October... always my least favourite month of the year. A high superstition about this one as well, my heart strings are tugged on in all different directions. I lay low for this month. Work. Mema. Home. Work. Mema. Home. Kept it simple until Halloween bartending gigs and the big Halloween party at one of the clubs. Ya girl here got schmammered. Unlike in previous times though, I had a pack of friends with me that had my back and wouldn't let anyone try to harm me... not even some unsuspecting black Superman.
November I'm officially working more shifts on day and after a month of both grave and day shift barbacking, I'm a day walker. Took some getting used to and even a time or two of being late before getting into a "normal" sleep pattern... I'm still nocturnal. Mister VW and I decide we're better friends and yes, to this day we are still talking and social. My inner artists kicks in and paintings and puzzles are popping up everywhere.
December is where we bring my year to a closing. I talked to my boss at my old job, I don't want to spoil or jinx anything, but things might be looking up. As for me and men? Well I think I've narrowed my search to just one. If he behaves, we'll see. Last night I had to get out my baseball bat and call the cops, but that's a story all in it's own.
I did edit out some things throughout the year. Moments I couldn't pinpoint like when I finally joined the 21st century and got a cellular communication device- even has picture messaging! No matter how damn oldschool the phone is. Things that I did in this year I told myself I never would. A night where ruphalyn might have been involved. You get the picture. Just a lot of crazy things in 2013.
For all of my friends who have always wondered what it would be like in a day of my shoes.. here's a whole year for you. It's an extraordinary life and it's mine.
I had one hell of a year for 2013. My first complete year to live in Mississippi since I'd moved away when I was younger. Every birthday, holiday, adventure, shenanigans all in Mississippi. Well. Mostly in Mississippi.
January I started the year out right with my birthday, having a gingerman over from New York. I got woo'ed by him and also beat out him and his friend from hitting on a waitress and getting her number. Score for the ginger lady. I also got a ginger cat named Bacon Shamus who drove me up a fuckin wall and after only a couple months of having him, gave him away to someone who could give him the attention he needed.
Lots of gingery in the month of January.
February also started out great with bartending school where I (didn't know at the time) met the gal who would become my best friend and my rock, Kandy. I also managed to get pulled over for intoxication of a vehicle I wasn't even driving and, the best part, in which no one was even drinking in. That's right. Dick cop saw a bunch of youngsters having fun and didn't think it was possible without the liquid courage. Womp womp. Also finally got to participate in Mardi Gras and caught seven spears!
March was just smooth sailing. Making friends in school and learning who to avoid. It was the start of real friendships that would last and some that would later get me into trouble at the clubs.
April I finally found someone who would show me the ropes going to the clubs throughout the Gulf Coast. How to mingle for an easy drink and dip out before committing to a lame one night stand. Free drinks and shots began a new lifestyle for this northerner.
May is when I get my big news- no longer a housekeeper but a barback. Then I got a second job as a bartender as well for a little while.. found out that one was a huge bust... I find out barbacking is everything I was looking for in a job. Hustling for tips, add on a swag and a charm, along with hard work and keeping the bar under control. I meet some awesome people my age that I can hang with. I also scored a gig of (supposedly) seven hundred Indian guests. Dot, not feather.
June I take a trip to the past and fly up to Montana for a deliciously German wedding! Visit with old friends, tell them of all my new adventures, and invite them to come with me to create more. By the end of the month, I buy my baby... my '73 Volkswagen Beetle. I also meet some interesting people in the club and my dancing days come crashing in Biloxi when I find my friend isn't a friend at all. My girl Kandy comes to the rescue and shows me what's up in Gulfport.
July is when I finally get to see New Orleans in my adult life. A full year of living an hour away and I'd yet to find someone to adventure it with me. This time I had five others- coworkers from my fantastic job. Then 7/20 rolls around. For those of you who know my superstition, you know it was a big deal me losing my dream job on that day. A week before my probation period ended. My world gets shifted out of motion.
In August, one of the shifty characters I'd met in the club introduced me to someone I wouldn't ordinarily talk to. Some Brit he worked with. One word was said about Volkswagen and BOOM the nonstop talk of the cars began. I'd finally found someone I could relate to and count on. He taught me about the cars and in return I made banana bread and paintings. Oh, and finding another job as a barback was easy enough. Only unemployed for a couple weeks max.
September I was getting into my new swing of things working as the new graveyard barback and spending a lot of time with my new acquaintance. Still in high hopes of hitting something big but the part time barback job was enough to keep my bills paid so I wasn't worrying. Kandy and I meet two more gentlemen at the club. Later to form what we call "The Group" and our own little makeshift family.
October... always my least favourite month of the year. A high superstition about this one as well, my heart strings are tugged on in all different directions. I lay low for this month. Work. Mema. Home. Work. Mema. Home. Kept it simple until Halloween bartending gigs and the big Halloween party at one of the clubs. Ya girl here got schmammered. Unlike in previous times though, I had a pack of friends with me that had my back and wouldn't let anyone try to harm me... not even some unsuspecting black Superman.
November I'm officially working more shifts on day and after a month of both grave and day shift barbacking, I'm a day walker. Took some getting used to and even a time or two of being late before getting into a "normal" sleep pattern... I'm still nocturnal. Mister VW and I decide we're better friends and yes, to this day we are still talking and social. My inner artists kicks in and paintings and puzzles are popping up everywhere.
December is where we bring my year to a closing. I talked to my boss at my old job, I don't want to spoil or jinx anything, but things might be looking up. As for me and men? Well I think I've narrowed my search to just one. If he behaves, we'll see. Last night I had to get out my baseball bat and call the cops, but that's a story all in it's own.
I did edit out some things throughout the year. Moments I couldn't pinpoint like when I finally joined the 21st century and got a cellular communication device- even has picture messaging! No matter how damn oldschool the phone is. Things that I did in this year I told myself I never would. A night where ruphalyn might have been involved. You get the picture. Just a lot of crazy things in 2013.
For all of my friends who have always wondered what it would be like in a day of my shoes.. here's a whole year for you. It's an extraordinary life and it's mine.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
It's a Small World After All
As y'all know by now, I do enjoy my clubbing from time to time. Not that of the baby seals, just the dancing, occasional drinking, and ego boosts from getting hit on by men.
A couple Thursdays ago, me and my ladies went to one of our favourite night clubs- we get in and drink free on these nights. It was a typical night, not one worth going into detail about. The usual happened:
He'd come for a dance, I'd stay for one, run back with my girls and continue our thing until approached again. Once or twice he'd asked for my number and all I replied was "We'll see how the night goes." By the end of our evening when we were cutting out early, he makes a last attempt and I politely take his phone and enter in some random ten digits and tell him my phone is in the car.
We walk away, nothing to be seen here, nothing out of the ordinary.
Now the next week one of my main ladies was in town and upon request wanted to go to the same club as it is a favourite of her's as well. Thursday nights are always good nights so we go in and our usual yet again:
A couple Thursdays ago, me and my ladies went to one of our favourite night clubs- we get in and drink free on these nights. It was a typical night, not one worth going into detail about. The usual happened:
- Dodge the man in a jumpsuit rolling on acid
- Dance to the songs we know
- Avoid 'creepers' and shank a bitch if one tries to mess with one of my girls
- Mildly make fun of the go-go dancers who are terrible at dancing
Typical evening.
He'd come for a dance, I'd stay for one, run back with my girls and continue our thing until approached again. Once or twice he'd asked for my number and all I replied was "We'll see how the night goes." By the end of our evening when we were cutting out early, he makes a last attempt and I politely take his phone and enter in some random ten digits and tell him my phone is in the car.
We walk away, nothing to be seen here, nothing out of the ordinary.
Now the next week one of my main ladies was in town and upon request wanted to go to the same club as it is a favourite of her's as well. Thursday nights are always good nights so we go in and our usual yet again:
- Dodge the man in a jumpsuit rolling on acid
- Dance to the songs we know
- Avoid 'creepers' and shank a bitch if one tries to mess with one of my girls
- Mildly make fun of the go-go dancers who are terrible at dancing
Typical evening.
Of course, he casually came over to dance again within the night and told me the number was wrong.
"Oh that's weird," and gave him another fake.
"Oh that's weird," and gave him another fake.
See, I have this problem with being rude or tellin someone to 'fuck off' if they really haven't done anything wrong or been mean in the slightest. So, giving out a wrong number and crossing my fingers I'll never see them again is the nicest way to let them know it's just not gonna happen.
We walk away, nothing to be seen here, nothing out of the ordinary.
Two days ago I started my workweek again. Ate the usual lunch down at the employee dining area (tuna wrap with spinach) and on my way back to the casino entrance, I look over at valet like I usually do to see who's coming in out of pure curiosity.
I'll have you know I see that delightful son of a bitch.
I'll also have you know he works for the same casino. In valet.
When I looked over, he was walking up to the doors and at the same time, we smiled at each other, I gave a half-assed wave and our facial expressions were similar; perplexed and thinking, hm. I've seen them somewhere before and as if our brains at the same time made the connection to the club, our eyes got wider and awkward oh shit smiles came across our faces.
I didn't stop, just kept walking and ran to my cocktails to gossip to them.
"BUSTED! You are sooooo busted!" One of them said as I concluded my story telling them who I just saw.
"Just tell him. Tell him you're taken if he says anything. That's understandable." Said another.
"Yeah, I know, it's just so weird! This never happens!"
The same day I did have to pass valet again to drop off the dirt rags in their determined bin. Headed back to the casino, he's walking toward me this time, smile on his face and we both start laughing.
"Oh my gosh hi!" He says with a hug.
"Haha hi. You're the guy from the club, aren't you?" I blush, wincing with embarrassment.
"Yeah yeah that's me. I was so drunk when I was there..." he chuckled a little, almost apologetically.
I'll have you know I see that delightful son of a bitch.
I'll also have you know he works for the same casino. In valet.
When I looked over, he was walking up to the doors and at the same time, we smiled at each other, I gave a half-assed wave and our facial expressions were similar; perplexed and thinking, hm. I've seen them somewhere before and as if our brains at the same time made the connection to the club, our eyes got wider and awkward oh shit smiles came across our faces.
I didn't stop, just kept walking and ran to my cocktails to gossip to them.
"BUSTED! You are sooooo busted!" One of them said as I concluded my story telling them who I just saw.
"Just tell him. Tell him you're taken if he says anything. That's understandable." Said another.
"Yeah, I know, it's just so weird! This never happens!"
The same day I did have to pass valet again to drop off the dirt rags in their determined bin. Headed back to the casino, he's walking toward me this time, smile on his face and we both start laughing.
"Oh my gosh hi!" He says with a hug.
"Haha hi. You're the guy from the club, aren't you?" I blush, wincing with embarrassment.
"Yeah yeah that's me. I was so drunk when I was there..." he chuckled a little, almost apologetically.
We're in good humours so I cut to the chase.
"So I totally gave you the wrong number on purpose." I start laughing. He laughs too, "Oh I asked for your number? I didn't even know! Oh man I was so gone that night. I remember us dancing a little," He says, a big smile still on his face.
"Oh really? It was no big deal, you didn't act an ass or anything, I'm just dating someone and I didn't want to give you a huge shut down is all."
Still chuckling at the whole scenario,"That's great! It's really no big deal, I don't even remember half the night!"
You would have thought we were old friends carrying on the way we were.
"Yeah I was there with him actually," Gesturing to one of his coworkers. He started walking toward the sliding doors to the outside and I also took my cue to head back to my post. "That's cool, I'll see you around."
And that, people, is why you always stay polite, courteous, and spare people their shame as often as you can. Never know who you'll run into again or work with.
"So I totally gave you the wrong number on purpose." I start laughing. He laughs too, "Oh I asked for your number? I didn't even know! Oh man I was so gone that night. I remember us dancing a little," He says, a big smile still on his face.
"Oh really? It was no big deal, you didn't act an ass or anything, I'm just dating someone and I didn't want to give you a huge shut down is all."
Still chuckling at the whole scenario,"That's great! It's really no big deal, I don't even remember half the night!"
You would have thought we were old friends carrying on the way we were.
"Yeah I was there with him actually," Gesturing to one of his coworkers. He started walking toward the sliding doors to the outside and I also took my cue to head back to my post. "That's cool, I'll see you around."
And that, people, is why you always stay polite, courteous, and spare people their shame as often as you can. Never know who you'll run into again or work with.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Halloween is Sexy
Alright so if you haven't heard it from the movie Mean Girls, you've heard it somewhere else at some time in your life: Halloween is the one day a year a girl can dress up as a complete slut and no one can say a word about it. Right?
Whether at Halloween parties, clubs, jobs that let you dress up, or even in passing at WallyWorld, we've all seen it before, some gal's gotta be wearing lingerie. Either an ass cheak hangin out there, a tit poppin up here, belly buttons pokin out there..you get what I'm sayin.
This year I decided to go a different route. I've been all the comic book chicks in years past and always wore some kind of corset one colour or another. I wanted to be comfortable this year. I didn't want to try to vamp anything. Just wanted to dress up as a recognizable character that would make people go, Oh I see what you did there.
Velma. It was perfect. Awkward. Giant glasses. Large orange sweater wearing adorable nerd with her own kind of classy appeal.
I'm like a modern day Velma...
It was super easy. Short brown hair wig? Check. Overly large Orange sweater? Check. Found it at Ross Dress for Less the week before. This was gonna be cake. Didn't have to go out and spend a ton on a costume, I already have huge prescription frames and awkward Velma boots. I wouldn't be uncomfortable in the club- other than the fact it was damn hot in that thing. The alcohol drowned out any perception I had of temperature though, so it was alright.
But that's not what this story is about. Moving along...
My girl Kandy was lookin fly as the lady hatter, tasteful in her cute little corset over a tutu and matching jacket over top. We waltz up in there not giving a damn. It was ladies night on Halloween night and the place was bumpin, ladies everywhere, guys were barely a trickle in the crowd.
We saw sexy sailor girls, sexy jungle girls, sexy Alice, Jessica Rabbit, gypsies, and of course just the lingerie ladies. Most of the guys had some sort of gory or funny costume. Then there were the toolboxes that just had on unbuttoned button ups wearing shades and called it a costume.
The night was great. The music was bumpin, the people jumpin, and toward the end of the night I'd gone up to the bar again for a drink. The entire bar was packed but a very tall very chocolate Superman had turned to notice me and made room for me to step up. I thanked him with a smile and his eyes went large and his mouth started to drop into an open smile.
"VELMA!" He said.
"Haha, yeah that's me. I'm impressed. Most people tonight notice the character but only get about as far as that chick from Scooby Doo."
"Velma where have you been all my life? I've had a crush on you since I was eight."
Keep in mind, I do believe this man is about mid thirties.
I laugh a bit and thank him. I then notice on the front of his costume it says "Superfly"
"Oh I see what's going on!" As I point at his chest.
"You like it? I thought it was pretty good. Let me buy you a drink."
MAHAHAH Me? Really? Fucking Velma?
"Sure." I smiled.
"What you drinkin baby girl?"
"Gin and tonic. Tanquere."
"Gin? You don't mess around. Yes ma'am."
I allow him to buy me the drink and charm me.
"I must be gettin back to my girl. She's on the dance floor." I make a notion to the floor.
"I understand. Thank you for joining me Velma. Velma, Velma Velma mm. The years have been good to you."
I giggle and saunter back to Kandy.
"Where'd you get that?" She eyebrows at me.
I told her what happened. She smiles and says "Ahhhhhh shit girl!"
We continue to dance, and a while later Mister Superfly comes to the dance floor.
"I've been watchin you," he says moving in to dance with me.
I look to Kandy and she shruggs and laughs with out guys we were with.
I allow the man a dance but part of my posse didn't like the way he was handling me so they kept draggin me back to the pack. Eventually the guy got the gist but before making his way back to the bar, he pulled me away one last time.
"This is my room key. 2430. I want you to join me tonight. No pressure. I understand you got a man over there but if he's not yours then come be mine." He was gesturing my little group who was now eyeing me like I was being killed.
I just smiled at the man, he grabbed my arm slightly and I looked back. "Remember the number?" He asked.
"2430" And I walked away.
Of course I didn't use the key but it was a nice souvenir for the evening and a Halloween to remember. Who needs to sneak into a hotel room when you have a man waiting at home for you?
Either way, moral of the story ladies, out of all those pinups in there, all those sexy, tight bodied, flesh bearing women in the club, the nerdy ass, bulky sweater wearing nerd got the room key. Don't sell yourself short. You don't have to look like a harlot to be wanted. Just have to rock whatcha got :)
Whether at Halloween parties, clubs, jobs that let you dress up, or even in passing at WallyWorld, we've all seen it before, some gal's gotta be wearing lingerie. Either an ass cheak hangin out there, a tit poppin up here, belly buttons pokin out there..you get what I'm sayin.
This year I decided to go a different route. I've been all the comic book chicks in years past and always wore some kind of corset one colour or another. I wanted to be comfortable this year. I didn't want to try to vamp anything. Just wanted to dress up as a recognizable character that would make people go, Oh I see what you did there.
Velma. It was perfect. Awkward. Giant glasses. Large orange sweater wearing adorable nerd with her own kind of classy appeal.
I'm like a modern day Velma...
It was super easy. Short brown hair wig? Check. Overly large Orange sweater? Check. Found it at Ross Dress for Less the week before. This was gonna be cake. Didn't have to go out and spend a ton on a costume, I already have huge prescription frames and awkward Velma boots. I wouldn't be uncomfortable in the club- other than the fact it was damn hot in that thing. The alcohol drowned out any perception I had of temperature though, so it was alright.
But that's not what this story is about. Moving along...
My girl Kandy was lookin fly as the lady hatter, tasteful in her cute little corset over a tutu and matching jacket over top. We waltz up in there not giving a damn. It was ladies night on Halloween night and the place was bumpin, ladies everywhere, guys were barely a trickle in the crowd.
We saw sexy sailor girls, sexy jungle girls, sexy Alice, Jessica Rabbit, gypsies, and of course just the lingerie ladies. Most of the guys had some sort of gory or funny costume. Then there were the toolboxes that just had on unbuttoned button ups wearing shades and called it a costume.
The night was great. The music was bumpin, the people jumpin, and toward the end of the night I'd gone up to the bar again for a drink. The entire bar was packed but a very tall very chocolate Superman had turned to notice me and made room for me to step up. I thanked him with a smile and his eyes went large and his mouth started to drop into an open smile.
"VELMA!" He said.
"Haha, yeah that's me. I'm impressed. Most people tonight notice the character but only get about as far as that chick from Scooby Doo."
"Velma where have you been all my life? I've had a crush on you since I was eight."
Keep in mind, I do believe this man is about mid thirties.
I laugh a bit and thank him. I then notice on the front of his costume it says "Superfly"
"Oh I see what's going on!" As I point at his chest.
"You like it? I thought it was pretty good. Let me buy you a drink."
MAHAHAH Me? Really? Fucking Velma?
"Sure." I smiled.
"What you drinkin baby girl?"
"Gin and tonic. Tanquere."
"Gin? You don't mess around. Yes ma'am."
I allow him to buy me the drink and charm me.
"I must be gettin back to my girl. She's on the dance floor." I make a notion to the floor.
"I understand. Thank you for joining me Velma. Velma, Velma Velma mm. The years have been good to you."
I giggle and saunter back to Kandy.
"Where'd you get that?" She eyebrows at me.
I told her what happened. She smiles and says "Ahhhhhh shit girl!"
We continue to dance, and a while later Mister Superfly comes to the dance floor.
"I've been watchin you," he says moving in to dance with me.
I look to Kandy and she shruggs and laughs with out guys we were with.
I allow the man a dance but part of my posse didn't like the way he was handling me so they kept draggin me back to the pack. Eventually the guy got the gist but before making his way back to the bar, he pulled me away one last time.
"This is my room key. 2430. I want you to join me tonight. No pressure. I understand you got a man over there but if he's not yours then come be mine." He was gesturing my little group who was now eyeing me like I was being killed.
I just smiled at the man, he grabbed my arm slightly and I looked back. "Remember the number?" He asked.
"2430" And I walked away.
Of course I didn't use the key but it was a nice souvenir for the evening and a Halloween to remember. Who needs to sneak into a hotel room when you have a man waiting at home for you?
Either way, moral of the story ladies, out of all those pinups in there, all those sexy, tight bodied, flesh bearing women in the club, the nerdy ass, bulky sweater wearing nerd got the room key. Don't sell yourself short. You don't have to look like a harlot to be wanted. Just have to rock whatcha got :)
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Buggies and Starburst
I bought a couple VW Beetles a couple months ago. An eggshell coloured '73 and a vibrant sky blue '71 that was just a gutted shell- no insides.
Sooooo I met a guy who knew a guy, and I put the blue fenders and hood on the white beetle. Yeah. He name is Gladys and she looks like a badass. It goes without saying, she gets a lot of looks, sometimes a smile or two, and of course the classic wave-down-and-scream "I LOVE YOUR CAR!"
On a particular day, I left my Starburst in the seat of said car and when I got back in to drive, I really wanted one. They were all melty in their little packages and I was so sad, as would anyone awesome. Driving down the highway by the beach, I did the first thing that came to mind I could think of.
Held the deliciousness out the window to cool off.
Because seriously. Who just waits for Starbursts to cool off? No one can resist the magical taste, especially when you know it's just sittin there in the seat next to you.
As I'm driving and holding out my candies like Lady Liberty of Juicy Flavours, some young hippy lookin dude with his posse of other probably less-than-clean swags looks at me with an expression I can't quite describe.
Unlike the rest of his pals, he stops walking, holds in something that looks like a football stance and holds his hands wide.... but not as wide as his mouth. His expression was excited. Or maybe he peed... came a little? Either way, he goes all Breakfast Club on me and throws his fist into the air and proceeds to shout, "YEAHHH!! BEETLES AND CANDY!! WOOOOH! THROW ME SOME CANDY!"
I was long past him by then, but to the gentleman that screamed that, if I ever see you again, consider yourself pelted with candy. I went out and bought a bag just in case I ever see you again.
Sooooo I met a guy who knew a guy, and I put the blue fenders and hood on the white beetle. Yeah. He name is Gladys and she looks like a badass. It goes without saying, she gets a lot of looks, sometimes a smile or two, and of course the classic wave-down-and-scream "I LOVE YOUR CAR!"
On a particular day, I left my Starburst in the seat of said car and when I got back in to drive, I really wanted one. They were all melty in their little packages and I was so sad, as would anyone awesome. Driving down the highway by the beach, I did the first thing that came to mind I could think of.
Held the deliciousness out the window to cool off.
Because seriously. Who just waits for Starbursts to cool off? No one can resist the magical taste, especially when you know it's just sittin there in the seat next to you.
As I'm driving and holding out my candies like Lady Liberty of Juicy Flavours, some young hippy lookin dude with his posse of other probably less-than-clean swags looks at me with an expression I can't quite describe.
Unlike the rest of his pals, he stops walking, holds in something that looks like a football stance and holds his hands wide.... but not as wide as his mouth. His expression was excited. Or maybe he peed... came a little? Either way, he goes all Breakfast Club on me and throws his fist into the air and proceeds to shout, "YEAHHH!! BEETLES AND CANDY!! WOOOOH! THROW ME SOME CANDY!"
I was long past him by then, but to the gentleman that screamed that, if I ever see you again, consider yourself pelted with candy. I went out and bought a bag just in case I ever see you again.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Internetless But Still Rockin
I know it's been quite some time since my last post. Being internetless has proved to be inconvenient in more ways than one. But it's been over a year and still I press on.
Anywho, this occasion of blog is dedicated to the family of which this scenario is kinda about. Just kinda.
As most of you know (and to my new readers every day who don't) I moved back to the dirty south. My mema is here and plus... there ain't no place like the dirty south.
On my weekends from work, as per usual, I go to see my mema. She lives about thirty minutes away in the next city and I always like to make the best of the drive by cranking the music with delicious bass and dashboard dancing like there's no tomorrow.
On the way home from mema's I popped the newest Macklemore album (the shit by the way; this man makes a good name for the rap genre). Staring at the penis cloud overhead, lipsyncing like nobody's business, I come to a stoplight. This light seemed to go on forever. In the midst of my aggressive dance gestures, I can feel someone to my right staring at me. I look, and it's an older guy with three kids in the car, ages ranging from probably eleven to six. He has a smile on my face, and starts tapping at his kids telling them to look my way.
I do what any other enjoyable individual would do in said situation- turn it up, roll down the window and start lipsyncing to the children. They were all rather amused. As was the guy in the car to my left. But he's not the inspiration behind my writing. Another story another day.
Either way.
The light turns green, and I smile back at the children as I speed....to the next stoplight. So here we are again, the kids now dancing as well when I notice the small child in the back seat trying to tell me something. I turned down the music for a split second, she yelled to me, "Do the funky chicken!"
I looked at her as a maggot looks at his commanding officer. Yes. Ma'am.
I cranked it, and started wildly doing the funky chicken as best I could. The children were satisfied and the light turned green. I drove off dashboard dancing into the sunset. A happy fairy tale ever after.
Anywho, this occasion of blog is dedicated to the family of which this scenario is kinda about. Just kinda.
As most of you know (and to my new readers every day who don't) I moved back to the dirty south. My mema is here and plus... there ain't no place like the dirty south.
On my weekends from work, as per usual, I go to see my mema. She lives about thirty minutes away in the next city and I always like to make the best of the drive by cranking the music with delicious bass and dashboard dancing like there's no tomorrow.
On the way home from mema's I popped the newest Macklemore album (the shit by the way; this man makes a good name for the rap genre). Staring at the penis cloud overhead, lipsyncing like nobody's business, I come to a stoplight. This light seemed to go on forever. In the midst of my aggressive dance gestures, I can feel someone to my right staring at me. I look, and it's an older guy with three kids in the car, ages ranging from probably eleven to six. He has a smile on my face, and starts tapping at his kids telling them to look my way.
I do what any other enjoyable individual would do in said situation- turn it up, roll down the window and start lipsyncing to the children. They were all rather amused. As was the guy in the car to my left. But he's not the inspiration behind my writing. Another story another day.
Either way.
The light turns green, and I smile back at the children as I speed....to the next stoplight. So here we are again, the kids now dancing as well when I notice the small child in the back seat trying to tell me something. I turned down the music for a split second, she yelled to me, "Do the funky chicken!"
I looked at her as a maggot looks at his commanding officer. Yes. Ma'am.
I cranked it, and started wildly doing the funky chicken as best I could. The children were satisfied and the light turned green. I drove off dashboard dancing into the sunset. A happy fairy tale ever after.
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