Mema is my grandma. MEE MAH is how you pronounce it. She's the coolest old lady you've ever met- ask anyone. She instantaneously becomes anyone's grandma within five minutes.
Ever since I was younger, I always thought Mema to be invincible- all of us grand-kids did. Seriously- One time, Mema was mowing the lawn, as she always did weekly, her and her crotchety old self. The mower, probably as old as she is, decided not to work one day. What does Mema do? Kicks the damn thing to start it. Of course, it starts and she chops off her big toe. You'd think, man, she probably went to the doctor asap! Or for you pessimists, you think she's bled to death. Wrong and wrong. She sets her dissembled toe aside, mows the rest of the lawn, hobbles to the back door, THEN calls for help. That's my Mema.
This is the woman who would scream at you and tell you to go to the corner because you laughed too loud during M*A*S*H*. You do NOT interrupt her reruns of M*A*S*H*. We were all so rebellious of course. Maker her mad, get sent to a corner, rebel, then watch her 'cry'. Oh yes, she would put on quite the show. We were rotten and laughed at her crying anyway. So she'd stop and start screaming again. Ha good times.
Mema is the craziest upon crazy. She was raised a Catholic, and a good Catholic woman she shall be- that except when it comes to Goofy or current boyfriends. Yes, my grandmother has a love affair with that long-eared, big nosed best friend of Mickey. One time she took us to Disneyland and bought herself a foot and a half Goofy. She couldn't take him on the plane because of too much she was taking already. She turns to me, "You take good care of my man, you hear?" She says with a wink. "You kiss him goodnight for me, and tuck him in real nice in bed. I'll be back for him." She smiles that dirty Mema smile and boards.
Then there was the time I was dating a guy in high school. Mema met him for the first time when she'd come up for Thanksgiving. (She is at home in the south, we are in hell in the north.) He left our house one day so I asked Mema what she thought. "Oh he is a handsome devil! If I were your age, I'd give you a run for your money!" "Mema, what the eff! I'm your granddaughter!"
She smirks and chuckles, "I knowww." Dirty old bat. "I would give him the- duh nuh! Duh nuh!" As she undoes her robe to reveal her night gown, singing old strip club music. "MEMA!!" I laugh. She giggles.
She came a second and third time. When we brought her to our church, everyone remembered her- "Hi Mema!" They chime. "Hey Mema! How are you?" A million times, her not remembering who is who. "Dayumn." She whispers, "I'm leaving here with four times as many grandchildren as when I last came up!"
This is the infamous Mema that I talk of often. She means the world to me and I hope I end up to be half as cool as she is. Stay tuned another week for the most EPIC story of all stories- Mema vs Hurricane Katrina.
Ever since I was younger, I always thought Mema to be invincible- all of us grand-kids did. Seriously- One time, Mema was mowing the lawn, as she always did weekly, her and her crotchety old self. The mower, probably as old as she is, decided not to work one day. What does Mema do? Kicks the damn thing to start it. Of course, it starts and she chops off her big toe. You'd think, man, she probably went to the doctor asap! Or for you pessimists, you think she's bled to death. Wrong and wrong. She sets her dissembled toe aside, mows the rest of the lawn, hobbles to the back door, THEN calls for help. That's my Mema.
This is the woman who would scream at you and tell you to go to the corner because you laughed too loud during M*A*S*H*. You do NOT interrupt her reruns of M*A*S*H*. We were all so rebellious of course. Maker her mad, get sent to a corner, rebel, then watch her 'cry'. Oh yes, she would put on quite the show. We were rotten and laughed at her crying anyway. So she'd stop and start screaming again. Ha good times.
Mema is the craziest upon crazy. She was raised a Catholic, and a good Catholic woman she shall be- that except when it comes to Goofy or current boyfriends. Yes, my grandmother has a love affair with that long-eared, big nosed best friend of Mickey. One time she took us to Disneyland and bought herself a foot and a half Goofy. She couldn't take him on the plane because of too much she was taking already. She turns to me, "You take good care of my man, you hear?" She says with a wink. "You kiss him goodnight for me, and tuck him in real nice in bed. I'll be back for him." She smiles that dirty Mema smile and boards.
Then there was the time I was dating a guy in high school. Mema met him for the first time when she'd come up for Thanksgiving. (She is at home in the south, we are in hell in the north.) He left our house one day so I asked Mema what she thought. "Oh he is a handsome devil! If I were your age, I'd give you a run for your money!" "Mema, what the eff! I'm your granddaughter!"
She smirks and chuckles, "I knowww." Dirty old bat. "I would give him the- duh nuh! Duh nuh!" As she undoes her robe to reveal her night gown, singing old strip club music. "MEMA!!" I laugh. She giggles.
She came a second and third time. When we brought her to our church, everyone remembered her- "Hi Mema!" They chime. "Hey Mema! How are you?" A million times, her not remembering who is who. "Dayumn." She whispers, "I'm leaving here with four times as many grandchildren as when I last came up!"
This is the infamous Mema that I talk of often. She means the world to me and I hope I end up to be half as cool as she is. Stay tuned another week for the most EPIC story of all stories- Mema vs Hurricane Katrina.
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