I love my mema AKA grandmother for all you non-southerners. This story I'm about to get into is probably one of the craziest and my personal favourite.
Hurricane Katrina hit the one year I and my two brothers were all in the same school- My younger, a freshman, I, a sophomore, and my older brother a senior. Just a couple days before school started for that year, we come home to a message on the answering machine from Uncle Cleve. (He's not really our uncle, it's just what we call him. Like Uncle Matt. And Pete. And Sister Donna. Everyone is just related but not really. Bueno.) Anywhozers, the message says "Hey *mother's name* it's Cleve, your mother called me and told me to tell you that the water has gotten up to her ankles but she's still staying in the house. She doesn't think it will get much worse." Us kids laugh, my mother in panic. As kids, she is indestructible. That woman is WIN. To my mum, she looks at it realistically- the water is literally only an acre behind our Mema's house and has NEVER gotten to her house. When it's ankle deep, the water is getting pretty serious.
My mum instantly tries to call Mema. Nothing- as expected. I'll have you know that woman doesn't go to school -(my mum is a teacher at the high school we ALL go to- big happy family, eh?) -but doesn't go to school the first four days of school because she watched the television sleeplessly waiting for Mema to, oh you know, pop up on the tv screen floating across in the water. Like a crazy person. She cried, was melodramatic about the whole thing, and people were bringing over plates of food so my mum wouldn't have to cook. What really ticked my brothers off was when the school councilor brought us in one by one asking us all how we were doing. That day after school was fun. My older bro, "What the hell! Seriously, it's annoying. Not everyone is dramatic about their million year old mother dying." Then the younger one, "She asked if I needed time off for school. Mom wouldn't go for that anyway so I don't even know why she asked."
Really it was rather comical. It was a bit odd- asking if I was okay. Asking if I wanted to talk about it or cry it out. Well. She's still indestructible in my eyes, and clearly lived otherwise I might be telling this in a different manner.... but probably not.
But on that fourth day of school I'll never forget coming home... "You watch the television and I'm fixin' to run to the grocery store. Do NOT change it from the news channel!" And with the sobbing and blubbering, blah blah go get some food. I of course change the channel to some good after school cartoons... yes as a sophomore. Because I'm cool like that. Anywho, I shit you not, ten minutes after mum leaves, I get a phone call- it's her. The infamous Mema. "Hey baby, it's your mema."
"Oh hey Mema, you doing okay?" You know. Real casual like.
"Yes, is your mother there?"
"She actually just went to the store. She's gonna crap her pants when she finds out she's missed a call from you."
"Well then I'll just talk to you until she gets back."
Just another ten minutes or so- the grocery is just down the street from us. Mum comes rolling up, starts bringing in groceries, I open the door, "Hey, Mema is on the phone."
She drops everything in her hands and starts screaming. If you know my mum, you know that you do NOT want to be in earshot of this shenanigans. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY DID YOU STAY YOU STUPID WOMAN?! I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU!!"
All that jazz. So, now that you've heard it from our side, I'll tell you what happened to Mema and how she survived Hurricane Katrina.
The water was up to her ankles- then her knees. Old lady gotta pee, so she was on a mission, from the living room to down the hall to the pisser, the water was pouring in from her bedroom- her big ass iron bedframe was lifted by the water and crashed into a wall to break it open. So she was heading back toward the living room to get her purse- yes her purse. Hurricane floods or not, she needs her old lady things! Then goes to the freezer to get a big sack of seafood- it was for us in the northern state. She would have felt bad had she not gone back for it to send to us via UPS. Crazy lady.
She cuts a hole in the side screen door and swims out into the water. An almost eighty year old woman. Swimming. In the gulf of Mexico. In a hurricane. I'm sorry, but I believe any awesome grandmother stories you have out there have been trumped. The neighbors on the houseboat saw her and her large seasack floating in the waters. They took a row boat over, got her, put her on the houseboat, and I'll have you know that all they ate for three days was the seafood she carried and the beer on the boat. That's intuition.
The waters cleared and my crazy cousin Juju (this is a real cousin) did everything she could to find Mema and get her to a damn phone to contact us with. There you have it. That's the epic story of mema.
Hurricane Katrina hit the one year I and my two brothers were all in the same school- My younger, a freshman, I, a sophomore, and my older brother a senior. Just a couple days before school started for that year, we come home to a message on the answering machine from Uncle Cleve. (He's not really our uncle, it's just what we call him. Like Uncle Matt. And Pete. And Sister Donna. Everyone is just related but not really. Bueno.) Anywhozers, the message says "Hey *mother's name* it's Cleve, your mother called me and told me to tell you that the water has gotten up to her ankles but she's still staying in the house. She doesn't think it will get much worse." Us kids laugh, my mother in panic. As kids, she is indestructible. That woman is WIN. To my mum, she looks at it realistically- the water is literally only an acre behind our Mema's house and has NEVER gotten to her house. When it's ankle deep, the water is getting pretty serious.
My mum instantly tries to call Mema. Nothing- as expected. I'll have you know that woman doesn't go to school -(my mum is a teacher at the high school we ALL go to- big happy family, eh?) -but doesn't go to school the first four days of school because she watched the television sleeplessly waiting for Mema to, oh you know, pop up on the tv screen floating across in the water. Like a crazy person. She cried, was melodramatic about the whole thing, and people were bringing over plates of food so my mum wouldn't have to cook. What really ticked my brothers off was when the school councilor brought us in one by one asking us all how we were doing. That day after school was fun. My older bro, "What the hell! Seriously, it's annoying. Not everyone is dramatic about their million year old mother dying." Then the younger one, "She asked if I needed time off for school. Mom wouldn't go for that anyway so I don't even know why she asked."
Really it was rather comical. It was a bit odd- asking if I was okay. Asking if I wanted to talk about it or cry it out. Well. She's still indestructible in my eyes, and clearly lived otherwise I might be telling this in a different manner.... but probably not.
But on that fourth day of school I'll never forget coming home... "You watch the television and I'm fixin' to run to the grocery store. Do NOT change it from the news channel!" And with the sobbing and blubbering, blah blah go get some food. I of course change the channel to some good after school cartoons... yes as a sophomore. Because I'm cool like that. Anywho, I shit you not, ten minutes after mum leaves, I get a phone call- it's her. The infamous Mema. "Hey baby, it's your mema."
"Oh hey Mema, you doing okay?" You know. Real casual like.
"Yes, is your mother there?"
"She actually just went to the store. She's gonna crap her pants when she finds out she's missed a call from you."
"Well then I'll just talk to you until she gets back."
Just another ten minutes or so- the grocery is just down the street from us. Mum comes rolling up, starts bringing in groceries, I open the door, "Hey, Mema is on the phone."
She drops everything in her hands and starts screaming. If you know my mum, you know that you do NOT want to be in earshot of this shenanigans. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY DID YOU STAY YOU STUPID WOMAN?! I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU!!"
All that jazz. So, now that you've heard it from our side, I'll tell you what happened to Mema and how she survived Hurricane Katrina.
The water was up to her ankles- then her knees. Old lady gotta pee, so she was on a mission, from the living room to down the hall to the pisser, the water was pouring in from her bedroom- her big ass iron bedframe was lifted by the water and crashed into a wall to break it open. So she was heading back toward the living room to get her purse- yes her purse. Hurricane floods or not, she needs her old lady things! Then goes to the freezer to get a big sack of seafood- it was for us in the northern state. She would have felt bad had she not gone back for it to send to us via UPS. Crazy lady.
She cuts a hole in the side screen door and swims out into the water. An almost eighty year old woman. Swimming. In the gulf of Mexico. In a hurricane. I'm sorry, but I believe any awesome grandmother stories you have out there have been trumped. The neighbors on the houseboat saw her and her large seasack floating in the waters. They took a row boat over, got her, put her on the houseboat, and I'll have you know that all they ate for three days was the seafood she carried and the beer on the boat. That's intuition.
The waters cleared and my crazy cousin Juju (this is a real cousin) did everything she could to find Mema and get her to a damn phone to contact us with. There you have it. That's the epic story of mema.
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