It was a normal day just like any other day. Kinda.
I was on the phone with my Queer, talking about the asinine people of life, jobs, and dreaming of travels that would always have to wait for a later tomorrow.
See, I've been staying with the Mema whose stories you have all come to learn and love. First hand, you must know that her house, as all houses do, make the creeking, swaying, and scratching noises on occasion. I've gotten used to all of these noises - when the vents turn on, the rediculously loud gusting sounds that come; the sounds the doors and floors make when someone is going through the house, and, when appropriate, the noises the windows make when the rain pours on them, or how they rattle when the thunder wakes me up in the middle of the night to which I respond frantically grabbing at nothing but air only to realize it was thunder, then huddle with a pillow until I pass out from frightening exhaustion....
Different story, different day...
So, lying on my bed, phoning it up with Queer, and just as I am about to hang up to go about our seperate businesses, I hear a scratching at the window behind me. You must understand, this was not a faint scratching. This was like a-branch-just-crashed-into-your-window-now-you're-screwed scratching.
"What the? Hold on a sec," I said over the phone, then sat up in my bed and turned to look at the window, not but three seconds after sitting up did I let out a blood curtling scream.
"What? What is it?" I hear over the reciever.
"WHAT THE EFF?! GET OFF THERE! OH MY- WHAT THE!?"
I began laughing hysterically and hear Mema coming frantically (which is still pretty slow) down the hallway to my room to see what had happened.
I hear laughing over the phone again," What the hell did you do?"
"It's a damn squirrel. It is ON the window. Not peering from the side, it is ON the screen. It is a big ass damn squirrel! I gotta let you go!" More laughter over the phone, then we hang up.
Mema opens the door, "What? What?"
"Look at that damn thing!" At that time, as if the bastard heard me, grappled its way to the side of the window where only its wirey tail was to be seen.
I retold Mema what happened and how it startled me. She laughed at me and shook her head, "Well damn."
Lesson today, children? Never underestimate the terror of Humphrey the Hemaphroditic Squirrel and his crazy cousins.
I was on the phone with my Queer, talking about the asinine people of life, jobs, and dreaming of travels that would always have to wait for a later tomorrow.
See, I've been staying with the Mema whose stories you have all come to learn and love. First hand, you must know that her house, as all houses do, make the creeking, swaying, and scratching noises on occasion. I've gotten used to all of these noises - when the vents turn on, the rediculously loud gusting sounds that come; the sounds the doors and floors make when someone is going through the house, and, when appropriate, the noises the windows make when the rain pours on them, or how they rattle when the thunder wakes me up in the middle of the night to which I respond frantically grabbing at nothing but air only to realize it was thunder, then huddle with a pillow until I pass out from frightening exhaustion....
Different story, different day...
So, lying on my bed, phoning it up with Queer, and just as I am about to hang up to go about our seperate businesses, I hear a scratching at the window behind me. You must understand, this was not a faint scratching. This was like a-branch-just-crashed-into-your-window-now-you're-screwed scratching.
"What the? Hold on a sec," I said over the phone, then sat up in my bed and turned to look at the window, not but three seconds after sitting up did I let out a blood curtling scream.
"What? What is it?" I hear over the reciever.
"WHAT THE EFF?! GET OFF THERE! OH MY- WHAT THE!?"
I began laughing hysterically and hear Mema coming frantically (which is still pretty slow) down the hallway to my room to see what had happened.
I hear laughing over the phone again," What the hell did you do?"
"It's a damn squirrel. It is ON the window. Not peering from the side, it is ON the screen. It is a big ass damn squirrel! I gotta let you go!" More laughter over the phone, then we hang up.
Mema opens the door, "What? What?"
"Look at that damn thing!" At that time, as if the bastard heard me, grappled its way to the side of the window where only its wirey tail was to be seen.
I retold Mema what happened and how it startled me. She laughed at me and shook her head, "Well damn."
Lesson today, children? Never underestimate the terror of Humphrey the Hemaphroditic Squirrel and his crazy cousins.
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