This year has been super rough. I still got that happy face slapped on but it's been rough. First, I'd like to thank everyone who has been there through all of this. Maybe even apologize to those that probably cared that I kept in the dark. I haven't written since October and always try to do a little diddy for the end of the year. So here's to all y'all still there, I'm gonna take a deep breath and just know that this is the truth behind my 2015.
January- I decided not to go to China with one of my main gals but thoughts of leaving at a later time. Starts in South Dakota for my birthday, ending the month finding out I'd once dated a guy living with his chick of five years and a little girl who called him "Daddy." My hear still goes out to her, and I thank her for coming together with me, as women joining, to catch him and call him out on his shit and kicking him out of our lives.
February- I gave up a child with probably the only man in my life I'd ever put full trust in. My money, my family, my car, my women, my life. I wasn't ready and I have no regrets but I also will never forget.
March- New adventures started. New adventures with new problems. I was travelling and living and ready to get on with life. This month really was a blur. I was starstruck.
April- Work is taking a huge back burner. I don't care about the job, I didn't think I'd be there that long, I'm frustrated because I know what I'm capable of and the amazing career I'd had before. I'm considering California because I know people there who had been asking me to come on over for forever.
May- I leave for Sacramento, California, driving across the United States in a fucking '73 Beetle. I couldn't go more than 60 mph or else she'd blow up. Air cooled engines be bitches and shit. I get to Sacramento in one piece, having been promised a job that fell through in the same week. The search for jobs was intense.
June- Still unemployed but between making art, new friends, nocturnal drives through the mountains, San Francisco, walking around the cities, camping, gardening, big ass lakes, making music videos, and chai tea, it was completely bearable.
July- I moved to Seattle to be with someone. I moved to Seattle. To live with someone. In a car. Within the first week, said person had called the police to come get me out of the car because he couldn't stand my ass. I wish I could tell you that's where it ended with us. In contrast, the next morning I had no where to be and no one to be with so I got a job. "Can you come in for your first shift in two hours?" Fuckin right I can. So I did. Bartending 40+ hours a week, having my own shots menu for the weekends, getting regulars, paying off bills, this was it. This was what I was looking for. Living. In. A. Car.
August- Pick up a second job to pass time and make that money. Gotta get a place of my own because the worry of people seeing me sleep and breaking in my safe zone is really starting to get to me. Talk of moving in with the guy. Women are popping up on the phone and on facebook but it's not real. It's all in my head. Luckily I met a cool gal who was the only one who really knew the situation and let me sleep over at her place when she could. Shoulders feeling lighter.
September- I realize I'm lighter. I'd been walking about an hour and a half to and from work. Sometimes walking 3 or 4 hours a day just wandering the city, having no living room or bed room to chill in. Got different job on a different side of town. Something different with less hours but it's still working. Dinner in the Space Needle for his birthday. Almost got married to a coworker to keep them in the United States. Had my first comedy performance in Seattle.
October- Call me superstitious. This month, for as long as I can remember has always been the worst month of the year. It's inevitable. I got the opportunity to be a carpenter at a place I'd been hounding for months. That was all the hilight in the world.
The screaming continues. I find out some solid things from the crazy bitches in his phone. Over a coat that I had bought one day, he decided to choke me to get over me into my car to get said coat because it was "his". Police come and leave. I book a plane flight home to Mississippi the next day.
Three days before I leave....
Three days before I leave, my friend gets shot and killed. One of two people I'd met in Seattle in the beginning that had befriended me and helped the big city look like something so small and easy. Just gone. Rest his soul.
November- Crunch time. I'm home, living with my best friend, get two jobs, planning on going back to college for another degree. I have a plan, I have a drive, I'm gaining the means. I have no hope. I felt like I came crawling back with my tail between my legs. Just disappeared off the face of the planet and no one knew what was going on. No one knew how to talk to me.
December- I have a job I love. I have a support system that loves me. Opportunites are rising. I'm starting to gain hope again. A little nervous to actually hit the publish button.
I'm not sorry for my year. I don't take back the moves I made. With all the clouds in the world, you know the clouds are there because of the silver lining that shows with the sun rays shining through. You can't kill me. when I came into this world I was given the word Resilient and it's never let me down. Something that I learned with this year is that no matter how independent you once were, no matter how set you once were, no matter how confident, how on top, how solid you once were, you can hit rock bottom in the blink of an eye. Everyone. Everyone. Has that one person that can get inside them and royally fuck them up. No matter how strong you are, you will meet them one day. Just have the courage to look to someone else for help. For support. For a couch. It's lovely to know You got You. It's another thing to know that someone else got you and doesn't ask for anything in return but love and loyalty.
Try not to judge me too hard y'all, I'm takin some shit to my grave. But watch for the next Year in A Life post in 2016. It's gonna be a huge change with a completely different story. I'll still be adventuring, driving, flying, swimming, and sometimes crawling. Just know the point of the story is to never stop. Keep going.
January- I decided not to go to China with one of my main gals but thoughts of leaving at a later time. Starts in South Dakota for my birthday, ending the month finding out I'd once dated a guy living with his chick of five years and a little girl who called him "Daddy." My hear still goes out to her, and I thank her for coming together with me, as women joining, to catch him and call him out on his shit and kicking him out of our lives.
February- I gave up a child with probably the only man in my life I'd ever put full trust in. My money, my family, my car, my women, my life. I wasn't ready and I have no regrets but I also will never forget.
March- New adventures started. New adventures with new problems. I was travelling and living and ready to get on with life. This month really was a blur. I was starstruck.
April- Work is taking a huge back burner. I don't care about the job, I didn't think I'd be there that long, I'm frustrated because I know what I'm capable of and the amazing career I'd had before. I'm considering California because I know people there who had been asking me to come on over for forever.
May- I leave for Sacramento, California, driving across the United States in a fucking '73 Beetle. I couldn't go more than 60 mph or else she'd blow up. Air cooled engines be bitches and shit. I get to Sacramento in one piece, having been promised a job that fell through in the same week. The search for jobs was intense.
June- Still unemployed but between making art, new friends, nocturnal drives through the mountains, San Francisco, walking around the cities, camping, gardening, big ass lakes, making music videos, and chai tea, it was completely bearable.
July- I moved to Seattle to be with someone. I moved to Seattle. To live with someone. In a car. Within the first week, said person had called the police to come get me out of the car because he couldn't stand my ass. I wish I could tell you that's where it ended with us. In contrast, the next morning I had no where to be and no one to be with so I got a job. "Can you come in for your first shift in two hours?" Fuckin right I can. So I did. Bartending 40+ hours a week, having my own shots menu for the weekends, getting regulars, paying off bills, this was it. This was what I was looking for. Living. In. A. Car.
August- Pick up a second job to pass time and make that money. Gotta get a place of my own because the worry of people seeing me sleep and breaking in my safe zone is really starting to get to me. Talk of moving in with the guy. Women are popping up on the phone and on facebook but it's not real. It's all in my head. Luckily I met a cool gal who was the only one who really knew the situation and let me sleep over at her place when she could. Shoulders feeling lighter.
September- I realize I'm lighter. I'd been walking about an hour and a half to and from work. Sometimes walking 3 or 4 hours a day just wandering the city, having no living room or bed room to chill in. Got different job on a different side of town. Something different with less hours but it's still working. Dinner in the Space Needle for his birthday. Almost got married to a coworker to keep them in the United States. Had my first comedy performance in Seattle.
October- Call me superstitious. This month, for as long as I can remember has always been the worst month of the year. It's inevitable. I got the opportunity to be a carpenter at a place I'd been hounding for months. That was all the hilight in the world.
The screaming continues. I find out some solid things from the crazy bitches in his phone. Over a coat that I had bought one day, he decided to choke me to get over me into my car to get said coat because it was "his". Police come and leave. I book a plane flight home to Mississippi the next day.
Three days before I leave....
Three days before I leave, my friend gets shot and killed. One of two people I'd met in Seattle in the beginning that had befriended me and helped the big city look like something so small and easy. Just gone. Rest his soul.
November- Crunch time. I'm home, living with my best friend, get two jobs, planning on going back to college for another degree. I have a plan, I have a drive, I'm gaining the means. I have no hope. I felt like I came crawling back with my tail between my legs. Just disappeared off the face of the planet and no one knew what was going on. No one knew how to talk to me.
December- I have a job I love. I have a support system that loves me. Opportunites are rising. I'm starting to gain hope again. A little nervous to actually hit the publish button.
I'm not sorry for my year. I don't take back the moves I made. With all the clouds in the world, you know the clouds are there because of the silver lining that shows with the sun rays shining through. You can't kill me. when I came into this world I was given the word Resilient and it's never let me down. Something that I learned with this year is that no matter how independent you once were, no matter how set you once were, no matter how confident, how on top, how solid you once were, you can hit rock bottom in the blink of an eye. Everyone. Everyone. Has that one person that can get inside them and royally fuck them up. No matter how strong you are, you will meet them one day. Just have the courage to look to someone else for help. For support. For a couch. It's lovely to know You got You. It's another thing to know that someone else got you and doesn't ask for anything in return but love and loyalty.
Try not to judge me too hard y'all, I'm takin some shit to my grave. But watch for the next Year in A Life post in 2016. It's gonna be a huge change with a completely different story. I'll still be adventuring, driving, flying, swimming, and sometimes crawling. Just know the point of the story is to never stop. Keep going.
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