Family Time

Soooooo after begging and pleading, I finally decided to go stay with my cousin Juju and Mema in Mobile, Alabama whilst Hurricane Isaac was in motion. I don't have work for the time being, and I suppose being alone in my apartment would have gotten dull... I would have ran out of puzzle.


So staying at my cousin's has been a blast. I get to hang out with little people, Juju's five year old crazy gal, and 18 month old little guy.  Keeping him entertained is quite simple- an empty toilet tissue roll will do. As for the five year old, I think she talks more than I did when I was her age ( if y'all can imagine!) and she's all full of conversation. 

Being five and all, she's yet to get exposure to a crazier side of humanity- the side with tattoos, piercings, and wicked hair styles.  She's very curious about mine. Observe our conversations we've had these past couple days..

"Why do you have holes in your liiiiyups?" (She has an adorable accent and it must be noted!)
I chuckle a little bit, "I'll tell you when you're older. I have no idea how to explain it to someone under the age of fifteen."
"Oh. Well I have a friend and her sister has a hole in her nose. She wants one too because that's what you do when you're older."
"You get holes in your nose when you're older, huh?"
"That's what she is gonna do! Like her sister! Are you gonna get holes in your nose?"
"Nooo, not me. Where do you think the boogers are gonna come out if I have a hole in my nose?"
"GROSS!"

"You have holes in your ears too!"
"Yes I do. It's where I put my jewelry."
"Like your diamonds in your liiiiiyups!"
"Haha sure."
"I like them. I think they're beauuuutiful! I think they're pretty because they're blue. And I like blue. But not really. I like pink actually."
"Thank you?"
"Come play with my bunnies!"

*We're sittin on the couch and I notice her lookin at me so I look and smile back*
"You have orange hair."
"Yes I do. Rare for someone to have orange hair."
"Do people make fun of you at school?"
Well actually.....
I just chuckle.
"Do people make fun of you for your glasses?"
"No. People actually like my glasses. Do YOU make fun of me for my glasses?"
"No! I think they're preeeeeyuuttty. I have glasses too!"
"Oh you do eh?"
"Yeah. Minnie Mouse ones."



These are the fun times I have whilst during a hurricane. Family for the win.

Malachai and Copernicus

Today children is the annual celebration of the birth of a man that is very dear to me. He's been there through thick and thin, good times, bad times, and screaming like a banshee and many many soda spills. I would like to recall some of our memories together today. He is 22, and he is my Queer.


I've never met anyone like Queer. We met in Public Speaking class in college. Everyone thought he had a huge crush on me. This made me want to be as far away from him as possible, naturally. But when I went back to Montana for the summer and came back to little Bumfuck Wyoming, our bond was made very strong and he invested his secret in me... he doesn't crush on gingers. BWAHHA no really, let's get on with it.


I don't think I've ever had another friend who I've screamed so much at. We have fought all up and down the United States. Literally. Drove over 3,000 miles together up and down the coast and fought most of the way.  We've had screaming matches, crying fits, and farting wars on each other's pillows... girls don't fart.

We've gone to abandoned houses, climbed mountains, even gotten stuck in snow in his little Toyota eight times in one week.  We've seen a moose that we thought was an alien, possibly real aliens, and followed a creeper in a red car just like his just to see where it was going at the SAME TIME EVERY FRIGGIN MORNING AT 1:30 AM!! Another story, another day...

We've almost been in a million crashes together, no thanks to our dying laughter and spittle of Dr. Pepper on the windshield.  We've driven to Salt Lake to see awesome bands just to drive back for work in the same 24 hours. 

Together, we've cheated the system time and time again, and I'll not tell you how.  We've been pierced together, broke together, and broken hearted together.

We both came to meet in Wyoming running from something and found ourselves running into each other.  We embrace our miseries and our utmost joys together.  There is no one in the world I would rather share all of our memories with. 

We live 2,000 miles away, and he is still the best man in my life and has always been there for me, even when we were angry at each other. 


Darlin, if you're reading this, many adventures to come to us, my love.  I'll walk a thousand miles for you, as long as you'll walk four... because, let's face it. You hate walking.
I love you so much. But I have to stop typing before I cry.

I Bleep Out the Good Parts

So I get home from work one day and a delicious note is posted on my fridge from my roommate and her husband:

"Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
We're printing off concert tickets
So join us maybe?"

Fuck. Yes.

Work in the morning? Irrelevant. 
It was a two day concert and they had already bought tickets to go only to find out the day of the concert that military get in for free, so the tickets were just kinda extra. One for me, and one for some other random ass dude who's month they totally made.

Anywho, I saw awesome bands like Foxy Shazam, whose front man ate about six lit cigarettes at once, Gun Point, P.O.D. who I had been listening to since middle school, and to wrap up that first night, Hollywood Undead.  It turned out to be an all around marvelous show.

I got to the front of the crowd save for maybe about five people and the music was loud and I made a strange family to rock out with.  Anyone else ever have that happen? You're in a crowd so packed of about two to three thousand people and all of a sudden the closest ones touching your elbows and backs are your closest friends.

The next night was even more delicious. Not music-wise, I'll admit. Foxy totally made my life the first night. The second night was New Medicine, Covo, Halestorm, Chivelle, and Evanescence to wrap up the whole schebang.

But either way, we started out the night by figuring out how to pile six people into a four-seater jeep. I'll have you know it can be done. On the way there, the three air force buddies of Rich's (Georgia's husband) sat ass to ass in the back. We'll call them White Boy, Satanist, and Chocolate. I rode shotty with Georgia on my lap. Luckily and surprisingly, we didn't get pulled over.  Got to the concert, saw some faces, then made our move for the front. Slowly but surely we were to make it by the time Evanescence played. 

Rich snuck in some gummy bears and sour parch kids. At a concert like that, it's unavoidable for everyone to be asking, "What are they laced with?!" To which the response was always "nothing," but not like anyone ever believed us anyway.  Rich also filled up his camel pack with water, and when you're so far into that crowd, people were paying dollars for sips of his water.  SMART.

Again, we found our own little family, a different one from the previous night, but oh so entertaining.  One was a gal who's name slips me. She told us, "If you wanna get to the front, just call out some random name like you know them. Like this," and all of a sudden at the top of her lungs, "BIIILLL!!! HEY BILLL!! I'M COMING BUDDY!!" I never thought I laughed so much in my life.
"Wait no no, that name isn't common enough. Lemme try again, " She said, " BOB!! FUCKING BOB! HERE I AM!!" and everyone was looking around to see who the hell she was talking to. It was hilarious.

Our little amoeba of a group went from standing somewhat next to each other to being single file ass-to-crotch in the crowd. The best way to travel was a conga line. I told White Boy in front of me, "Sorry if I get a boner. There's kinda no avoiding you feeling it." He laughed and started telling me about how awesome Halestorm was. I'd never heard of them before that night, and I tell you what, their drummer made me realize why I loved dating drummers in the first place.

All that passion. All that hair. Mmm. 

So I bought a cd after the show, autographed and everything. 

It was kinda nice, being around all that testosterone again. Made me miss Wyoming... a little. But just a little. If you ever repeat that, I'll cut your pecker off.

anywho, then Chocolate hands me his wedding ring and his Aviators and starts in on a mosh pit.  There was no mercy on my shoes or pants. Then the other two guys tried to jump on the side of me where the mosh was happening. Protect the women? Whatever the reason, it was a delightful courtesty and I wish men were really like that in the real world anymore.

That's right, this is my damn blog and I will haterade all I want to.

So more moshing, women getting on men's shoulders, other men (and myself) screaming at them "TITS OR GTFO" mwahhaha.....

Eventually we all got to the front gate. I will not disperse as to how we managed, but we did. We found a truck load of little eleven year olds up there. Rich, Georgia, and I formed a wall around them to protect them from the mosh behind us.  Who in their right mind brings eleven year olds to that kind of concert? Either way. We formed a wall. Because we're cool like that.

When Amy Lee came on the stage, the crowd went wild needless to say.  We were so close, we saw the glitter on her body.  It was awesome.  After I heard a few songs of that set, I decided to bail on my post.  See, when you're a housekeeper and are on your feet for about eight or nine hours a day then go to a concert that you are on your feet from six to midnight you tend to not give a rats to bail on the crowd early. I went and sat on the concrete just passed the giant ass crowd.  The sound quality was actually better there.

Not too long after, Georgia and Rich appear. We found a bench and parked our asses until it was all over. 

FAST FORWARD

The other three finally meet us back at the jeep.  Us gals decide that sittin on the other's lap is NOT going to work. We were dirty, smelly, and our shoes were possibly HIV + at that point. So, where do you put a sixth person if not doubled up in the front? Across the men in the back, of course! Since it's a real beach jeep, the top nor sides were on so it was easy for me to maneuver.  "Just don't let me fall out the sides okay?" Easy enough for them, strong men as they are.  That first U-turn was a crazy bitch! If you ever have the opportunity to be reckless in this aspect, do it. Scary. So White Boy, gentleman as he is, somehow ninjas some shit with my legs and tucks them in the vehicle. So now I'm comfortably splayed with my head rested and my legs out of harms way.

Then there was the area at the stoplights where a crapton of police were manning the traffic control.

Shitballs.

So now, I'm doing the most awkward backbend in the world where my head is now down by their feet. This doesn't really work all too well when you are a well endowed woman. Just saying. So the guys were all leaning on me, nooooooo, no there's no body in our fucking laps. nothing going on here.

After about three excruciating minutes of uncomfort and praying to God the po po didn't see us, they signaled for our lane to get moving and off we were.  A decent twenty minute drive home. No one died, I didn't get decapitated, and all was well until we hit the railroad tracks. I got a good couple inches of air.
"Save the vagina! it's the most important part!" Said one of the guys.

By the time we got home, we were all exhausted. An awesome concert with awesome people and an awesome cd for the memories. 

I am Thibodeaux, and I approve this message.