For as long as I can remember, October has always sucked the big one for me. Whether at the time in my life it's a break up, someone passes, I get horrible career alterations, or I'm failing horrible in my studies, October always seems to be the month that tragedy strikes in. The only thing different about this year was that I decided to embrace the suck and laugh at it. As best I could.
Due to some job changes, and living changes, I'd gotten myself in that position that apparently everyone in life goes through- doggie style. Or in layman's terms, royally screwed to the point you're just takin it from behind from Life.
Doing as the struggling hard workers do, I've been doing everything in my power to keep my head up and myself afloat, making other drastic changes like my career and moving in with a friend. Easier tasks like that. But right when I think I can't take it any longer and think that maybe some burdens are being lifted Life is all, JK LOL UR DUM and decides to go ahead and throw one more thing my way. This time involving the police. We all know how much I despise piggies.
Let's go back a little to the core of this problem- I drive a '73 Beetle named Gladys. Classy. I know. Well, in a trooper that old, they tend to wear down on some things. Like brakes. I've tried to get them fixed before but... eh. Never mind that story. The important piece of information here is that the brakes are shotty at best. If I come to an easing stop, then we're gravy. But if you want me to slam on the brakes at a last minute stop? Best believe the brakes aren't listening and we're blowing through the stop light whether you want to or not.
The brakes have been especially temperamental the last couple months. It's cool. I mean, you know, it's not but what choice do I have? I don't have the kind of money to fix them. I know my baby better than anyone. I know when she'll stop and when she won't.
Which brings us to the story now, and why after all these years October still sucks.
I was driving on 90- that's the main highway that everyone uses. It goes all along the Gulf coast beach and takes me straight from my place to my work which is about a thirty minute drive.
I was a good fifty feet behind the truck in front of me. With these brakes, I take no risk. You won't catch me tailgating anyone.
Most people speed through at yellow lights, am I right? Bet your ass I am. But not the ass in front of me. See, when he saw a yellow light, he thought it would be a shmantastic idea to go ahead and stop. My little Gladys didn't think it was such a good idea. Now given only a matter of seconds to think while driving in the left lane I went over my options quickly.
A. Veer into the right lane and smash into the cars next to me.
B. Hit the truck in front of me.
C. . . .. hhehe.
Mount the curb on the median and drive in the sand.
Welp. Only one of those options involved not causing a collision. Let's mount this bitch.
That's exactly what I did, still applying breaks like it was a piano foot pedal, I mount the median and the car goes about fifteen more feet, barely missing the palm tree in the middle, before finally stopping in the sand. I was about nose and nose with the truck stopped at the light. He rolls down his window so I reach across to the passenger window and do the same.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah. My breaks went out and I didn't want to hit the back of your truck."
"Well that was sweet of you!" He says. I nod, then the light turns green and he takes off like nothing happened.
WHAT THE EFF.
So I'm in the median laughing hysterically, put my blinker on and try to merge back into traffic. Gladys goes about a foot and then sinks further in the sand. Damnit Gladys.
I keep laughing at the situation and get out of the car. I check out the vehicle. Yeah. Yeah she's in there pretty good. Ballsack. I get back into the driver's seat and start to think. I call my work and tell them I'll be late. I sit in the seat a little bit longer, looking at the time, and I call my friend who's just now getting off work.
"Tokeennn?"
"Yeah what's up?"
"What are you dooooooing?"
"Just clocked out. What you need?"
I explained my predicament.
"I'll come push you out."
This man. Is my rock.
But somewhere in there as I'm waiting I stop smiling. I get this overwhelming feeling of everything that's going on in my life and this had to be the fuckin cherry on top. I start crying. Then I call my mommy. She doesn't answer so then I go from sappy to pissy in an instant. That was when I noticed the inevitable blue and white vehicle coming up behind me. The lights flash on. Now I'm not pissy. I just give up. Piggies are assholes. Piggies are nosy and twats and have never helped me when I needed. I'm ready for this fuckin fine. I already see it. Just one more thing I can't pay for.
I get out of the car and look to the po-po- he's actually smiling. A really handsome guy, as a side note, but this guy is almost about to laugh. I smile back, a little confused. Finally, he says, "Alright. I'll bite. What's the story?"
I giggle a little myself. Not really what I expected him to say. I explained the story. Either hit the car or hit the curb. "Well you did the smart thing," He said. UHHHHWHHHHAAAAAT??? I was baffled. "Do you have someone coming to get you out?"
"I have a friend that said he can come push me out."
"With his hands??"
"Yes?...."
"Oh no, you're gonna need a tow truck for this one. Look how deep it is in the sand. And this is rear-wheel drive isn't it?"
"Yeah... okay. Fuck. Well. Now you're gonna make me call the ex."
"Uh oh," He says, "Good luck."
This guy is actually pretty cool. As he goes to his car to talk on his walkie thing, I whip out the phone. My ex had this roommate that worked at this auto place and blah blah blah, I know. Never call the ex. I know.
That was a big fat ass NO anyway. I look to the cop and Token calls me, telling me he's almost to me. I tell him he probably doesn't have to because the po-po doesn't think it's pushable.
"Well, I can call a tow truck out here and he can pull you out."
I look at him with a little worry, "Seriously dude, if I can be frank, my brakes have been shotty like this for a couple months now. If I don't have the money to fix them, there's no way in hell I have the money for a tow truck."
"Oh don't worry about that," he says, "I'll put it on our tab. Tow companies love it when we call them. They know they get paid and if they make it here quick enough, we keep them on our list of companies we call regularly. Since you didn't hit a car and your car doesn't have any damages, you don't even have to file a report for this. We'll just get you out of the sand and you can go about your way. I can even take you to an auto place if you want. No charge."
The hallelujah chorus sounds. Finally. I get a damn break. "I seriously have to get to work so an auto place isn't necessary, but the rest sounds good." He looks at me quizzically, "Not necessary?"
"I mean I can't pay for it when I get there for the breaks remember?"
He shakes his head and has a truck called in. By this time, Token is walking up and I give him an embrace. "I told you you didn't have to come!"
He shrugs, "It's cool breh breh, let's see what we can do."
The po-po informs him it's really soft sand.
"But if you're really gonna try, I'm getting this on camera."
He runs to his dash in the cop car.
Token and I are laughing. I get in the driver's seat and gas it up, he pushes. She gets half a foot up and sinks in a deeper sand pit. I cut the engine and step out again.
The cop tells us he has to get a picture of this before I go because this has to be one of the funniest things he's seen. Tells me it's great it's even a Beetle too. While we're waiting for the truck to come, I ask him about other crazy shit he's seen in his job. Then he starts to tell us about crazy drug users. Something about a chick trying to swim away from him in a mud puddle. Classic stuff.
The truck comes and my mum finally calls back. Back to reality. Life sucks and I tell her how so. She gives me some encouragement and I start walking to where my car is being towed to on the opposite side of the road in a clearing safe from traffic. Token gets in his car and follows me. I walk through a little grassy patch to the car... and when I get out, my converse and work pants are covered in those little spiky bur plants or whateverthefuck they're called. I'm not even mad. I can't get mad. Today blows ballsack.
I walk up to the cop and he tells me I'm good to go. He looks at me feet, "What in the world-" he chuckles a little, "You're just having one of those days aren't you?"
"Yes. Yes I am. Thanks again... you're probably the nicest cop on the coast. He smiles, "Get those brakes fixed."
Never asked for my insurance, my license, my name. Nothing. You know damn good and well that legally he shouldn't have let my car back on the road knowing it's a potential hazard. But sometimes rules are meant to be broken. For those of us who can't always afford to follow the rules.
Token followed me to work to make sure I made it there safely and by the time I got there, everyone at work was convinced I died in a wreck.
Find the silver linings in life, people. Even when life sucks, the good things are there. The friends to help you smile, the job to be thankful for, and sometimes even the people that give you just a small break when you need one. Shout out to the po-po. You just won.
Due to some job changes, and living changes, I'd gotten myself in that position that apparently everyone in life goes through- doggie style. Or in layman's terms, royally screwed to the point you're just takin it from behind from Life.
Doing as the struggling hard workers do, I've been doing everything in my power to keep my head up and myself afloat, making other drastic changes like my career and moving in with a friend. Easier tasks like that. But right when I think I can't take it any longer and think that maybe some burdens are being lifted Life is all, JK LOL UR DUM and decides to go ahead and throw one more thing my way. This time involving the police. We all know how much I despise piggies.
Let's go back a little to the core of this problem- I drive a '73 Beetle named Gladys. Classy. I know. Well, in a trooper that old, they tend to wear down on some things. Like brakes. I've tried to get them fixed before but... eh. Never mind that story. The important piece of information here is that the brakes are shotty at best. If I come to an easing stop, then we're gravy. But if you want me to slam on the brakes at a last minute stop? Best believe the brakes aren't listening and we're blowing through the stop light whether you want to or not.
The brakes have been especially temperamental the last couple months. It's cool. I mean, you know, it's not but what choice do I have? I don't have the kind of money to fix them. I know my baby better than anyone. I know when she'll stop and when she won't.
Which brings us to the story now, and why after all these years October still sucks.
I was driving on 90- that's the main highway that everyone uses. It goes all along the Gulf coast beach and takes me straight from my place to my work which is about a thirty minute drive.
I was a good fifty feet behind the truck in front of me. With these brakes, I take no risk. You won't catch me tailgating anyone.
Most people speed through at yellow lights, am I right? Bet your ass I am. But not the ass in front of me. See, when he saw a yellow light, he thought it would be a shmantastic idea to go ahead and stop. My little Gladys didn't think it was such a good idea. Now given only a matter of seconds to think while driving in the left lane I went over my options quickly.
A. Veer into the right lane and smash into the cars next to me.
B. Hit the truck in front of me.
C. . . .. hhehe.
Mount the curb on the median and drive in the sand.
Welp. Only one of those options involved not causing a collision. Let's mount this bitch.
That's exactly what I did, still applying breaks like it was a piano foot pedal, I mount the median and the car goes about fifteen more feet, barely missing the palm tree in the middle, before finally stopping in the sand. I was about nose and nose with the truck stopped at the light. He rolls down his window so I reach across to the passenger window and do the same.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah. My breaks went out and I didn't want to hit the back of your truck."
"Well that was sweet of you!" He says. I nod, then the light turns green and he takes off like nothing happened.
WHAT THE EFF.
So I'm in the median laughing hysterically, put my blinker on and try to merge back into traffic. Gladys goes about a foot and then sinks further in the sand. Damnit Gladys.
I keep laughing at the situation and get out of the car. I check out the vehicle. Yeah. Yeah she's in there pretty good. Ballsack. I get back into the driver's seat and start to think. I call my work and tell them I'll be late. I sit in the seat a little bit longer, looking at the time, and I call my friend who's just now getting off work.
"Tokeennn?"
"Yeah what's up?"
"What are you dooooooing?"
"Just clocked out. What you need?"
I explained my predicament.
"I'll come push you out."
This man. Is my rock.
But somewhere in there as I'm waiting I stop smiling. I get this overwhelming feeling of everything that's going on in my life and this had to be the fuckin cherry on top. I start crying. Then I call my mommy. She doesn't answer so then I go from sappy to pissy in an instant. That was when I noticed the inevitable blue and white vehicle coming up behind me. The lights flash on. Now I'm not pissy. I just give up. Piggies are assholes. Piggies are nosy and twats and have never helped me when I needed. I'm ready for this fuckin fine. I already see it. Just one more thing I can't pay for.
I get out of the car and look to the po-po- he's actually smiling. A really handsome guy, as a side note, but this guy is almost about to laugh. I smile back, a little confused. Finally, he says, "Alright. I'll bite. What's the story?"
I giggle a little myself. Not really what I expected him to say. I explained the story. Either hit the car or hit the curb. "Well you did the smart thing," He said. UHHHHWHHHHAAAAAT??? I was baffled. "Do you have someone coming to get you out?"
"I have a friend that said he can come push me out."
"With his hands??"
"Yes?...."
"Oh no, you're gonna need a tow truck for this one. Look how deep it is in the sand. And this is rear-wheel drive isn't it?"
"Yeah... okay. Fuck. Well. Now you're gonna make me call the ex."
"Uh oh," He says, "Good luck."
This guy is actually pretty cool. As he goes to his car to talk on his walkie thing, I whip out the phone. My ex had this roommate that worked at this auto place and blah blah blah, I know. Never call the ex. I know.
That was a big fat ass NO anyway. I look to the cop and Token calls me, telling me he's almost to me. I tell him he probably doesn't have to because the po-po doesn't think it's pushable.
"Well, I can call a tow truck out here and he can pull you out."
I look at him with a little worry, "Seriously dude, if I can be frank, my brakes have been shotty like this for a couple months now. If I don't have the money to fix them, there's no way in hell I have the money for a tow truck."
"Oh don't worry about that," he says, "I'll put it on our tab. Tow companies love it when we call them. They know they get paid and if they make it here quick enough, we keep them on our list of companies we call regularly. Since you didn't hit a car and your car doesn't have any damages, you don't even have to file a report for this. We'll just get you out of the sand and you can go about your way. I can even take you to an auto place if you want. No charge."
The hallelujah chorus sounds. Finally. I get a damn break. "I seriously have to get to work so an auto place isn't necessary, but the rest sounds good." He looks at me quizzically, "Not necessary?"
"I mean I can't pay for it when I get there for the breaks remember?"
He shakes his head and has a truck called in. By this time, Token is walking up and I give him an embrace. "I told you you didn't have to come!"
He shrugs, "It's cool breh breh, let's see what we can do."
The po-po informs him it's really soft sand.
"But if you're really gonna try, I'm getting this on camera."
He runs to his dash in the cop car.
Token and I are laughing. I get in the driver's seat and gas it up, he pushes. She gets half a foot up and sinks in a deeper sand pit. I cut the engine and step out again.
The cop tells us he has to get a picture of this before I go because this has to be one of the funniest things he's seen. Tells me it's great it's even a Beetle too. While we're waiting for the truck to come, I ask him about other crazy shit he's seen in his job. Then he starts to tell us about crazy drug users. Something about a chick trying to swim away from him in a mud puddle. Classic stuff.
The truck comes and my mum finally calls back. Back to reality. Life sucks and I tell her how so. She gives me some encouragement and I start walking to where my car is being towed to on the opposite side of the road in a clearing safe from traffic. Token gets in his car and follows me. I walk through a little grassy patch to the car... and when I get out, my converse and work pants are covered in those little spiky bur plants or whateverthefuck they're called. I'm not even mad. I can't get mad. Today blows ballsack.
I walk up to the cop and he tells me I'm good to go. He looks at me feet, "What in the world-" he chuckles a little, "You're just having one of those days aren't you?"
"Yes. Yes I am. Thanks again... you're probably the nicest cop on the coast. He smiles, "Get those brakes fixed."
Never asked for my insurance, my license, my name. Nothing. You know damn good and well that legally he shouldn't have let my car back on the road knowing it's a potential hazard. But sometimes rules are meant to be broken. For those of us who can't always afford to follow the rules.
Token followed me to work to make sure I made it there safely and by the time I got there, everyone at work was convinced I died in a wreck.
Find the silver linings in life, people. Even when life sucks, the good things are there. The friends to help you smile, the job to be thankful for, and sometimes even the people that give you just a small break when you need one. Shout out to the po-po. You just won.
