Before reading this, I feel like a few things must be noted:
I do not have any mental issues.
I do not have brain damage.
I have no future plans to go on a killing rampage.
I would almost think it unnecessary to let these be known before writing a piece about how I merely related to a Joker in a movie, but this is 2019 and everyone finds a trigger or a cry for help in everything. Now we can begin this piece of writing peacefully.
I was never hugely into comics or heroes when I was younger and that didn't change much as I aged. As most older millennial, I dressed up as disney princesses or power rangers for Halloween every year and my brothers might have picked spider man or batman or whatever else was popular for boys.
Even if I wasn't big into it, I do remember lots of VHS tapes over the years. Our sister is 10 years older that me and my brothers and I recall a lot of Van Damme, Stallone, and Willis as well as a mountain of Batman movies. My favourites of course being Batman Returns because of the general creep factor and I have no idea why I loved the Penguin so much; then there was Jim Carrey's Riddler in Batman Forever. Who could beat Nicholson's Joker? As an actor he was already so bomb!
You're starting to see a pattern with the love for bad guys by now. I thought they were great! Always mischievous, always had the best outfits, always so honest, what's not to love?
Yet still, as a kid I was never fully enveloped in them. When the movie was over, I went back to Betty Spaghetti or Legos and was a good little girl who just enjoyed her cinema.
It wasn't until I started seeing commercials for The Dark knight that I recall being so excited for a movie to come out. (Except LOTR. I read the Hobbit in school and the LOTR then saw that first one in theatres 3 times in the same week and I have no regrets.) Heath. Mothafuckin. Ledger.
As if I didn't fall in love with him in A Knight's Tale, now he was switching to the dark side AND he was going to be Joker nonetheless? Oh, be still, my heart.
Unlike everything else I've known to have a hype and huge following then fucking suck, The Dark Knight did everything but suck. He was so dapper in his purple suit, his giggle was so charming, and he always had a backup plan. Money couldn't buy him what he wanted and I felt that. He spoke to my inner anarchist and granted it was unfortunate what happened to Ledger, he did an amazing job of portraying a mad man.
That was the second and only other movie to date I just had to see two more times in the cinemas. My friends got me like a million Joker shirts that Christmas. I just about applaud every time we see Harvey Dent become his destiny and let's be honest. Rachel needed to die.
Which brings us to Today. Based on previews, I really didn't have high hopes for this Joker movie. It just made him look like a sad man who goes by the name Joker. Where's the anarchy? Where's the sarcasm? I had seen some great reviews from friends on Facebook I couldn't help but be curious enough to go see myself. I was so happy that I did.
The laughing. The laughing is what tuned me in. Juxtapose with the Joker everyone knows that has always laughed because he wanted to and always laughed despite the do-gooders, we are met with a Joker that has a condition. A condition that has only added to the pile off bullshit that he calls his life.
Refer to the top before we go into this section; there is nothing wrong with me. I just laugh a lot. Sometimes incessantly. I've gotten significantly better about it over the years and am no where near the severity of the condition the guy had in the movie, but I do know that one of the things people know me for is my bursts.
Just yesterday I was visiting an old employer. His wife came out smiling and said, "I thought he was out here flirting with a customer but then I heard you and said oh I know that laugh!" On numerous occasions I've had friends tell me they saw me (or someone saw me and told them) that I was walking and laughing to myself as if I was high as a kite. "Nope. That's just her." Is what they would say. When I started seeing a councilor in college, I remember a session when she started smiling and shaking her head, "You know. What you're telling me isn't funny and I acknowledge your trauma but why are you still smiling?"
And forget about my many run ins with the cops over the years. I remember one time in college I was at a friend's place listening to music in their trailer when the piggies popped up about a noise complaint. I wasn't even talking to the officer but he looked at me and said, "Is something funny?" I giggled back at him, "No I just smile a lot." "ALL THE TIME." My friend had added, very seriously and his eyes were wide, begging not to cause trouble.
But I think that's what the character meant when he was talking to his talkshow hero. I didn't grow up surrounded by people making fun of me for it, and believe you me, I had plenty of times to be ridiculed. Hurt, times of stress, death, even during sex. You name it, I giggled through it and it has taken a lot of years and self controlling my face to get to where I am. People don't like you giggling at them when they say their dog died or someone in the family did. It makes you feel like a piece of shit but when people just understand it's a tick of yours, it's easier to get around it. You can imagine boyfriends got frustrated with it. "You're laughing. Why are you laughing? It's not funny."
I really felt for this new Joker. I really felt he had been every bit of peaceful and kept his cool for way too long until he really just couldn't any more. Plus it's not like he went out of his way just to kill some dipshit kids. They were monsters but had he come forward and say he was attacked, who would they have believed? I think we all know where favour goes to when educated white men fuck up.
But let's not get into full on politics of the world. I know this was fictional but you really have to look deeper into how closely it related with society today. Everyone has a chance to be a dick or be kind. Everyone on the lower tier is frustrated with being called lesser by the top societal tier. People are tired of being misunderstood. Mistreated. Tired of being tired. Would a riot really be so bad?
Having been a sweetheart of the past, I totally understand what it feels like to absolutely want to give up and watch the world burn. Trying is a lot harder than destroying everything and starting from scratch. I have no idea how I got so lucky to always had been surrounded by people who were mostly accepting of my ticks but I know not everyone is fortunate.
So what to take away from this? Joker is a fuckin good movie and you really need to see it.
Or maybe: Don't jump clowns on subway busses.
Or perhaps: This ginger kid had a lot more issues than I thought.
My favourite: even if your purpose isn't to start a revolution, if your message is strong enough, it'll resonate and you won't have a choice.
I do not have any mental issues.
I do not have brain damage.
I have no future plans to go on a killing rampage.
I would almost think it unnecessary to let these be known before writing a piece about how I merely related to a Joker in a movie, but this is 2019 and everyone finds a trigger or a cry for help in everything. Now we can begin this piece of writing peacefully.
I was never hugely into comics or heroes when I was younger and that didn't change much as I aged. As most older millennial, I dressed up as disney princesses or power rangers for Halloween every year and my brothers might have picked spider man or batman or whatever else was popular for boys.
Even if I wasn't big into it, I do remember lots of VHS tapes over the years. Our sister is 10 years older that me and my brothers and I recall a lot of Van Damme, Stallone, and Willis as well as a mountain of Batman movies. My favourites of course being Batman Returns because of the general creep factor and I have no idea why I loved the Penguin so much; then there was Jim Carrey's Riddler in Batman Forever. Who could beat Nicholson's Joker? As an actor he was already so bomb!
You're starting to see a pattern with the love for bad guys by now. I thought they were great! Always mischievous, always had the best outfits, always so honest, what's not to love?
Yet still, as a kid I was never fully enveloped in them. When the movie was over, I went back to Betty Spaghetti or Legos and was a good little girl who just enjoyed her cinema.
It wasn't until I started seeing commercials for The Dark knight that I recall being so excited for a movie to come out. (Except LOTR. I read the Hobbit in school and the LOTR then saw that first one in theatres 3 times in the same week and I have no regrets.) Heath. Mothafuckin. Ledger.
As if I didn't fall in love with him in A Knight's Tale, now he was switching to the dark side AND he was going to be Joker nonetheless? Oh, be still, my heart.
Unlike everything else I've known to have a hype and huge following then fucking suck, The Dark Knight did everything but suck. He was so dapper in his purple suit, his giggle was so charming, and he always had a backup plan. Money couldn't buy him what he wanted and I felt that. He spoke to my inner anarchist and granted it was unfortunate what happened to Ledger, he did an amazing job of portraying a mad man.
That was the second and only other movie to date I just had to see two more times in the cinemas. My friends got me like a million Joker shirts that Christmas. I just about applaud every time we see Harvey Dent become his destiny and let's be honest. Rachel needed to die.
Which brings us to Today. Based on previews, I really didn't have high hopes for this Joker movie. It just made him look like a sad man who goes by the name Joker. Where's the anarchy? Where's the sarcasm? I had seen some great reviews from friends on Facebook I couldn't help but be curious enough to go see myself. I was so happy that I did.
The laughing. The laughing is what tuned me in. Juxtapose with the Joker everyone knows that has always laughed because he wanted to and always laughed despite the do-gooders, we are met with a Joker that has a condition. A condition that has only added to the pile off bullshit that he calls his life.
Refer to the top before we go into this section; there is nothing wrong with me. I just laugh a lot. Sometimes incessantly. I've gotten significantly better about it over the years and am no where near the severity of the condition the guy had in the movie, but I do know that one of the things people know me for is my bursts.
Just yesterday I was visiting an old employer. His wife came out smiling and said, "I thought he was out here flirting with a customer but then I heard you and said oh I know that laugh!" On numerous occasions I've had friends tell me they saw me (or someone saw me and told them) that I was walking and laughing to myself as if I was high as a kite. "Nope. That's just her." Is what they would say. When I started seeing a councilor in college, I remember a session when she started smiling and shaking her head, "You know. What you're telling me isn't funny and I acknowledge your trauma but why are you still smiling?"
And forget about my many run ins with the cops over the years. I remember one time in college I was at a friend's place listening to music in their trailer when the piggies popped up about a noise complaint. I wasn't even talking to the officer but he looked at me and said, "Is something funny?" I giggled back at him, "No I just smile a lot." "ALL THE TIME." My friend had added, very seriously and his eyes were wide, begging not to cause trouble.
But I think that's what the character meant when he was talking to his talkshow hero. I didn't grow up surrounded by people making fun of me for it, and believe you me, I had plenty of times to be ridiculed. Hurt, times of stress, death, even during sex. You name it, I giggled through it and it has taken a lot of years and self controlling my face to get to where I am. People don't like you giggling at them when they say their dog died or someone in the family did. It makes you feel like a piece of shit but when people just understand it's a tick of yours, it's easier to get around it. You can imagine boyfriends got frustrated with it. "You're laughing. Why are you laughing? It's not funny."
I really felt for this new Joker. I really felt he had been every bit of peaceful and kept his cool for way too long until he really just couldn't any more. Plus it's not like he went out of his way just to kill some dipshit kids. They were monsters but had he come forward and say he was attacked, who would they have believed? I think we all know where favour goes to when educated white men fuck up.
But let's not get into full on politics of the world. I know this was fictional but you really have to look deeper into how closely it related with society today. Everyone has a chance to be a dick or be kind. Everyone on the lower tier is frustrated with being called lesser by the top societal tier. People are tired of being misunderstood. Mistreated. Tired of being tired. Would a riot really be so bad?
Having been a sweetheart of the past, I totally understand what it feels like to absolutely want to give up and watch the world burn. Trying is a lot harder than destroying everything and starting from scratch. I have no idea how I got so lucky to always had been surrounded by people who were mostly accepting of my ticks but I know not everyone is fortunate.
So what to take away from this? Joker is a fuckin good movie and you really need to see it.
Or maybe: Don't jump clowns on subway busses.
Or perhaps: This ginger kid had a lot more issues than I thought.
My favourite: even if your purpose isn't to start a revolution, if your message is strong enough, it'll resonate and you won't have a choice.
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