I'm just a little lady from Mississippi- somewhere RIGHT next to the Gulf. Moved to Montana, went on a Christmas roadtrip with family to see Mema. Mema is King.
We drove for days and days. Finally getting out of that van, stretching my legs, feeling the great moisture of the humidity on my skin, I felt I was home. I walked into a gas station and here's where the fun began.
Let's compare. In the north, you walk into a gas station, no one talks, you get your shit, you go. If there's someone about to come through the door as you leave, usually you be the nice one and let them through first, without a peep, then go on out minding your own business like nothing ever happened and you were never there.
In the south, let me give you just ONE incident.... I get an icecream bar- friggin hot there, even in 'winter time'. Walk up to the front counter, big 'ol black woman makes instant conversation. "Oh how you doin' baby?"
"Just fine thank you, and yourself?"
"Oh I tell you what, it's hotter than hell out there, mmhmm. That icecream bar looks reals good. Imma have to get me one-a-them when I get off workm mmhmm- oh my word child, where'd you get your nails done?"
I look down at my florescent orange nails.
"Did them myself."
"Shoot girl, those look wonderful! I tell you what, you ever need your nails done, I have a cousin that does wonderful..." before I knew it, I was explaining why I couldn't get my 'nails did' by her cousin because I was on a family trip and I was explaining my life story. So was she- from Oklahoma. All of this happened within a matter of three minutes tops. We do it quick and right in the south.
" Well baby, you have yourself a good'n you hear?"
"Yes ma'am."
I'm exiting the store when I see two guys on the other side of the glass. Both look about my age if not only a couple years older, one wearing a Carhart, the other some plaid and coveralls, both in cowboy boots and hats.
You see, in Montana-Wyoming- they're a pack and anything in their way is disposable. You move or get moved.
In the south, here's how things get handled by REAL men...
We step to the door about the same time, the boy in the Carhart opens the door our his way, and BOTH boys step to the side, clearing a way for me.
"Thank you boys."
"Yes ma'am." They both say.
LADIES IN TEENS OR TWENTIES- WHEN HAS ANYONE YOUR AGE EVER SAID "YES MA'AM" TO YOU? When you're in the south. Boys don't have any manners in the north for women. Men in the south do. Mmhmm. I think I might have blushed a little and smiled. They waited until I was funny exited before entering.
"Hey boys!" I heard the cashier say, greeting them in.
Boys in the north- take it from the Men in the south. Use your manners, win over ladies. This whole "Imma hump everything with a vagina" thing is only in music and boys in the south that get no action but disease infested action. Be a man. Not a boy. Man. Boy. Man. Boy. Learn the difference.
We drove for days and days. Finally getting out of that van, stretching my legs, feeling the great moisture of the humidity on my skin, I felt I was home. I walked into a gas station and here's where the fun began.
Let's compare. In the north, you walk into a gas station, no one talks, you get your shit, you go. If there's someone about to come through the door as you leave, usually you be the nice one and let them through first, without a peep, then go on out minding your own business like nothing ever happened and you were never there.
In the south, let me give you just ONE incident.... I get an icecream bar- friggin hot there, even in 'winter time'. Walk up to the front counter, big 'ol black woman makes instant conversation. "Oh how you doin' baby?"
"Just fine thank you, and yourself?"
"Oh I tell you what, it's hotter than hell out there, mmhmm. That icecream bar looks reals good. Imma have to get me one-a-them when I get off workm mmhmm- oh my word child, where'd you get your nails done?"
I look down at my florescent orange nails.
"Did them myself."
"Shoot girl, those look wonderful! I tell you what, you ever need your nails done, I have a cousin that does wonderful..." before I knew it, I was explaining why I couldn't get my 'nails did' by her cousin because I was on a family trip and I was explaining my life story. So was she- from Oklahoma. All of this happened within a matter of three minutes tops. We do it quick and right in the south.
" Well baby, you have yourself a good'n you hear?"
"Yes ma'am."
I'm exiting the store when I see two guys on the other side of the glass. Both look about my age if not only a couple years older, one wearing a Carhart, the other some plaid and coveralls, both in cowboy boots and hats.
You see, in Montana-Wyoming- they're a pack and anything in their way is disposable. You move or get moved.
In the south, here's how things get handled by REAL men...
We step to the door about the same time, the boy in the Carhart opens the door our his way, and BOTH boys step to the side, clearing a way for me.
"Thank you boys."
"Yes ma'am." They both say.
LADIES IN TEENS OR TWENTIES- WHEN HAS ANYONE YOUR AGE EVER SAID "YES MA'AM" TO YOU? When you're in the south. Boys don't have any manners in the north for women. Men in the south do. Mmhmm. I think I might have blushed a little and smiled. They waited until I was funny exited before entering.
"Hey boys!" I heard the cashier say, greeting them in.
Boys in the north- take it from the Men in the south. Use your manners, win over ladies. This whole "Imma hump everything with a vagina" thing is only in music and boys in the south that get no action but disease infested action. Be a man. Not a boy. Man. Boy. Man. Boy. Learn the difference.
"I was funny exited"? Maybe "Fully"?
ReplyDeleteOh and, Fluorescent* <3
ReplyDeleteActually, if you call a young woman "Ma'am" in the north, they get offended because they think you're calling them old or some shit. I would know, I took a lesson from you and started using it and some city slick chick got offended "What?! Do I look that old already? It's Miss! Not Ma'am! >=("
ReplyDelete- Taka